1 00:00:28,285 --> 00:00:31,055 Albuquerque police. Open the door, please. 2 00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:35,190 Dad, wake up, wake up. Wake up! 3 00:00:38,128 --> 00:00:39,861 Albuquerque police, open up. 4 00:00:39,863 --> 00:00:42,600 Fuck. 5 00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:46,267 All right, we gotta go. All right. 6 00:00:46,269 --> 00:00:49,004 Get your shoes on. 7 00:00:49,006 --> 00:00:52,708 Open up. 8 00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:55,043 Piece of shit knocks me around, then steals my Chanel purse? 9 00:00:55,045 --> 00:00:56,477 That was real fucking Chanel! 10 00:00:56,479 --> 00:00:57,846 I have some Chanel loafers that I love, 11 00:00:57,848 --> 00:00:59,281 so I totally get it. 12 00:00:59,283 --> 00:01:00,985 Open up, please, right now. 13 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,654 - Why am I doing this? - Stop asking questions. 14 00:01:05,656 --> 00:01:07,822 That's good. That's good. 15 00:01:15,966 --> 00:01:18,467 - Oh, goddamn it. - What's happening? 16 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,237 Oh. Goddamn it. 17 00:01:21,104 --> 00:01:22,637 Inside the cover of that Bible, 18 00:01:22,639 --> 00:01:23,938 there's an address in Santa Fe. 19 00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:26,441 - Get in a cab and go there. - No! 20 00:01:26,443 --> 00:01:28,843 Listen, it's better than Child Protective Services. 21 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:30,979 You gotta trust me on that one. 22 00:01:30,981 --> 00:01:32,681 All right, hey, look at me. 23 00:01:32,683 --> 00:01:34,748 I know I'm not the best dad in the world, 24 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:36,287 all right, but I love you. 25 00:01:39,824 --> 00:01:41,322 Goddamn it. 26 00:01:41,324 --> 00:01:42,857 Hey! 27 00:01:42,859 --> 00:01:43,925 What the hell was that for? 28 00:01:43,927 --> 00:01:45,893 You fucked everything up! 29 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,107 Get down on the ground! Down on the ground! 30 00:01:59,109 --> 00:02:01,009 I'm not resisting! I'm not resisting! 31 00:02:32,776 --> 00:02:36,510 Oh, hello! And good morning. 32 00:02:36,512 --> 00:02:39,579 Have you never been invited to a ranchero breakfast? 33 00:02:39,581 --> 00:02:43,418 Well, my friends, on this glorious day, you are in luck. 34 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:45,453 - Because we... - Are you okay? 35 00:02:45,455 --> 00:02:46,520 You're leaning. 36 00:02:46,522 --> 00:02:47,923 It's a Western saddle. 37 00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:49,623 I can't sit forward like the English. 38 00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:52,727 Cowboys sit back on their haunches up against the cantle. 39 00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:54,329 Oh! Ugh! 40 00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:55,933 Oh, God. 41 00:03:00,403 --> 00:03:02,503 - Are you okay? - Yeah. I think so. 42 00:03:02,505 --> 00:03:05,240 You know, we don't have to do the scene on horseback. 43 00:03:05,242 --> 00:03:07,341 I want to. It's... it's important. 44 00:03:07,343 --> 00:03:09,978 It adds to the masculinity. It adds to the grandeur. 45 00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,746 Well, that's true. 46 00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:13,215 - Are you being facetious? - Mm-hmm. 47 00:03:13,217 --> 00:03:15,584 - Here you go. - Thank you. 48 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:16,785 Thank you so much. 49 00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:19,821 You are a gentleman. You really are. 50 00:03:19,823 --> 00:03:22,557 God knows they're in short supply around here. 51 00:03:22,559 --> 00:03:23,891 Oh, my God. 52 00:03:23,893 --> 00:03:25,492 Would you quit flirting with him? 53 00:03:25,494 --> 00:03:27,395 It makes him feel awkward, and he's straight. 54 00:03:27,397 --> 00:03:30,733 No, it makes you feel awkward, and he's gay. 55 00:03:30,735 --> 00:03:32,266 Well, it makes everyone feel awkward 56 00:03:32,268 --> 00:03:34,836 watching you act like a weird old woman. 57 00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:37,104 No, you're a weird old woman. 58 00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:38,906 You want to know something? 59 00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:43,079 I could've worked for Rachel Ray, and she's nice. 60 00:03:45,381 --> 00:03:47,948 How about we just take it from the first line? 61 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:49,450 I'd be delighted. 62 00:03:49,452 --> 00:03:51,453 All right, everyone back to one. 63 00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:01,297 Step aside, son. 64 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,460 This is a Basque oven paddle 65 00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:35,297 that I have repurposed as a tapas tray. 66 00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:37,866 I like to serve my stuffed paquillo peppers 67 00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:39,734 on the back of a horse. 68 00:04:39,736 --> 00:04:45,205 Mind you, a vaquero breakfast needn't be on a vast rancho. 69 00:04:45,207 --> 00:04:47,409 When we return, I'll show you how you can cook 70 00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:51,780 some of this gorgeous food in your own little kitchen. 71 00:04:51,782 --> 00:04:53,047 Ciao. 72 00:04:53,049 --> 00:04:55,116 Dig in, amigos. 73 00:04:55,118 --> 00:04:57,451 Manny, you old cock hound. I didn't see you there. 74 00:04:57,453 --> 00:05:00,487 You can't say "cock hound" on basic cable. 75 00:05:00,489 --> 00:05:01,925 Cut. 76 00:05:02,825 --> 00:05:06,160 Get rid of the terra-cotta pots. Yuck. 77 00:05:06,162 --> 00:05:08,328 Ditto the galvanized tin. 78 00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:12,333 Please, please remove the ghastly bandannas from the goblets. 79 00:05:12,335 --> 00:05:16,672 You, young man, put your camera there pointing that way. 80 00:05:16,674 --> 00:05:18,039 Look at him. 81 00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:19,907 He's like the gay Butch Cassidy 82 00:05:19,909 --> 00:05:21,609 except not Butch. 83 00:05:21,611 --> 00:05:25,547 If only we had a producer who understood that objects 84 00:05:25,549 --> 00:05:27,049 exist in a space. 85 00:05:27,051 --> 00:05:28,282 Wouldn't that be wonderful? 86 00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:29,885 If only you came to production meetings 87 00:05:29,887 --> 00:05:31,753 to communicate your ideas in advance. 88 00:05:31,755 --> 00:05:34,321 Oh, but that would cut into your rigorous drinking 89 00:05:34,323 --> 00:05:36,023 and masturbation schedule. 90 00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:38,760 Do you guys do this at home? 91 00:05:38,762 --> 00:05:41,899 Oh, no, we don't get along this well at home. 92 00:05:42,832 --> 00:05:44,698 Why don't you leave him? 93 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,267 I probably will. 94 00:05:46,269 --> 00:05:47,669 But, you know, part of me wants 95 00:05:47,671 --> 00:05:49,837 to stick around just to watch him die. 96 00:06:02,852 --> 00:06:05,886 Oh, can we call a truce? 97 00:06:05,888 --> 00:06:07,321 Yes. 98 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,623 Thank you. 99 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:10,325 Finally. 100 00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:11,525 Finally? 101 00:06:11,527 --> 00:06:14,128 When have you ever called for a truce? 102 00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:17,232 You realize you're starting an argument about a truce. 103 00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:21,936 I think you are manipulative and passive-aggressive, 104 00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:23,304 and the truce starts now. 105 00:06:23,306 --> 00:06:29,112 Ah! My favorite Mexicans. Me llamo Mexico. 106 00:06:45,794 --> 00:06:48,395 So we just got back from Machu Picchu, 107 00:06:48,397 --> 00:06:50,765 and there's nothing there. Not impressed. Not impressed. 108 00:06:50,767 --> 00:06:52,267 It just looks like the Flintstones village. 109 00:06:52,269 --> 00:06:53,835 I'm like, "This is it? This is it?" 110 00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:56,169 - Not impressed. Zero stars. - What do you like? 111 00:06:56,171 --> 00:06:58,106 I like Epcot. 112 00:06:58,108 --> 00:07:01,075 Bobby Flay, I like him as a person. 113 00:07:01,077 --> 00:07:02,410 You know he's one of my best friends. 114 00:07:02,412 --> 00:07:04,611 No, no, no don't get me wrong. 115 00:07:04,613 --> 00:07:06,347 He's got a wonderful face 116 00:07:06,349 --> 00:07:10,251 - and, you know... - marvelous chutzpah. 117 00:07:10,253 --> 00:07:12,520 Are you from LA? 118 00:07:12,522 --> 00:07:13,688 I'm the mayor. 119 00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:14,821 Wait, what? 120 00:07:14,823 --> 00:07:18,126 - Of Santa Fe. - Oh, I love that. 121 00:07:18,128 --> 00:07:20,695 This close to the border of Syria. 122 00:07:20,697 --> 00:07:22,028 You can hear the gunfire. 123 00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:24,366 You hear people screaming. Terrifying. 124 00:07:24,368 --> 00:07:27,268 But the za'atar chicken 125 00:07:27,270 --> 00:07:28,770 was the best I've ever had. 126 00:07:28,772 --> 00:07:30,804 - Mouthwatering. - And the screaming children 127 00:07:30,806 --> 00:07:32,174 didn't bother the food at all? 128 00:07:32,176 --> 00:07:35,008 - Apples and oranges. - You got to eat. 129 00:07:35,010 --> 00:07:36,109 It's the city of holy faith... 130 00:07:36,111 --> 00:07:37,611 - Oh. - Santa Fe. 131 00:07:37,613 --> 00:07:40,616 That's so cool. I love that. 132 00:07:42,152 --> 00:07:43,585 And I'm like, "Hey, asshole, 133 00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:46,087 the fucking Dalai Lama gave me that purse." 134 00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:52,027 Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast 135 00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:55,196 to two of the finest hosts in Santa Fe. 136 00:07:55,198 --> 00:07:57,698 What am I talking about? The world. 137 00:07:57,700 --> 00:07:59,133 Paul, Erasmus. 138 00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:01,369 And if I may interrupt there, Mr. Mayor, 139 00:08:01,371 --> 00:08:03,772 let's not forget all the little people, 140 00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:06,407 all the worker bees out there whoever they are. 141 00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:08,910 - The little people. - Hear, hear. 142 00:08:08,912 --> 00:08:10,344 Well put. 143 00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:13,481 I am with such an asshole. 144 00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,982 I love an asshole. So to speak. 145 00:08:17,921 --> 00:08:19,119 Cheers to that. 146 00:08:19,121 --> 00:08:20,621 - Cheers to that! - Double cheers! 147 00:09:00,328 --> 00:09:03,130 I mean, it is Santa Fe, right? It's a little on the nose. 148 00:09:03,132 --> 00:09:05,532 I just get sick of all the turquoise. 149 00:09:05,534 --> 00:09:07,100 It gets a little over... I mean, no disrespect. 150 00:09:07,102 --> 00:09:08,603 - You look great. - Thanks. 151 00:09:08,605 --> 00:09:11,540 Yeah. Oh, hello, who are you? 152 00:09:11,542 --> 00:09:13,177 Um... 153 00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:19,582 Oh. Erasmus. 154 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,151 Well, someone can't spell my name. 155 00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:27,124 "Dear Arosmus. This is your grandson." 156 00:09:29,292 --> 00:09:32,659 Is... Is your father here? 157 00:09:32,661 --> 00:09:35,330 Was he here? Has he gone? Wh...? 158 00:09:35,332 --> 00:09:39,736 What's your name? Um, do you have a name? 159 00:09:42,438 --> 00:09:44,638 Um, can we get another chair, please? 160 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,173 Please. 161 00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:49,378 Is that all you have with you? 162 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,150 Well, we've got a Bible. 163 00:09:55,084 --> 00:10:00,388 Some cash. And a bag of cocaine. 164 00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:01,556 Hmm. 165 00:10:01,558 --> 00:10:02,923 All anyone really needs in life, eh? 166 00:10:02,925 --> 00:10:05,893 No clothes, I see. 167 00:10:05,895 --> 00:10:08,662 I'll call the store. They're about to close. 168 00:10:08,664 --> 00:10:11,235 Oh. Oh, good. 169 00:10:14,102 --> 00:10:16,171 Um, everyone, it would appear 170 00:10:16,173 --> 00:10:19,543 this little chap is my grandson. 171 00:10:22,145 --> 00:10:24,579 The truth is, Sandy Koufax had a huge dong. 172 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:26,580 - Really? - Huge dong. Legendary. 173 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,983 - Legendarily huge dong. - Is that true? 174 00:10:28,985 --> 00:10:30,585 That is true. For a Jew. 175 00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:31,788 Excuse me. 176 00:10:32,789 --> 00:10:34,888 You have a grandson? 177 00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,391 It's unbelievable, isn't it? 178 00:10:36,393 --> 00:10:40,295 I mean, look. I've had no work done. 179 00:10:40,297 --> 00:10:42,396 I only found out you had a son a few years ago. 180 00:10:42,398 --> 00:10:44,831 He's estranged. I told you about him. 181 00:10:44,833 --> 00:10:46,234 No, not really. 182 00:10:46,236 --> 00:10:49,003 Well, back in the '80s when I was experimenting, 183 00:10:49,005 --> 00:10:54,642 I had a liaison with a woman which resulted in a baby... 184 00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:57,411 yuck... which she wanted to keep. 185 00:10:57,413 --> 00:11:00,348 And... This is all very murky. 186 00:11:00,350 --> 00:11:02,249 I was probably off my tits on Quaaludes. 187 00:11:02,251 --> 00:11:05,485 Remember them? What a blast. 188 00:11:05,487 --> 00:11:10,490 Anywho, before you came along, darling, I had a son called Bo 189 00:11:10,492 --> 00:11:12,860 who dropped out of school, developed a drug problem. 190 00:11:12,862 --> 00:11:15,763 He even OD'ed at my book launch in New York. 191 00:11:15,765 --> 00:11:17,831 No. How embarrassing for you. 192 00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:20,167 Well, it was. Anna Wintour was there. 193 00:11:20,169 --> 00:11:21,835 Wait. Where's the father? 194 00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:24,339 According to the note, he's in jail. 195 00:11:24,341 --> 00:11:25,706 Yes, he's in jail. 196 00:11:25,708 --> 00:11:30,043 - So he's moving in? - Just keep an eye on him. 197 00:11:30,045 --> 00:11:31,579 We can't have a kid. 198 00:11:31,581 --> 00:11:33,013 We couldn't even handle that little rat bastard 199 00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:34,114 Yorkshire Terrier. 200 00:11:34,116 --> 00:11:35,483 Thank God for that coyote. 201 00:11:35,485 --> 00:11:37,018 Problem solved, but a kid's too much. 202 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:39,553 Calm down, I'm sure someone from Social Services 203 00:11:39,555 --> 00:11:41,489 will turn up on the doorstep and tell us where we stand. 204 00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:42,824 Just take one of your pills. 205 00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:44,291 Why don't you take one of your pills? 206 00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:45,627 That reminds me. 207 00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:47,128 What are we going to do about this? 208 00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:49,129 I mean, I don't do cocaine anymore, 209 00:11:49,131 --> 00:11:50,931 but it seems such a dreadful waste. 210 00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:53,433 We could put it in one of Tatyana's charity auctions. 211 00:11:53,435 --> 00:11:55,201 - Perfect. - I'm kidding. 212 00:11:55,203 --> 00:11:57,172 We'd go to jail. 213 00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,309 Oh. Do you want a blow job? 214 00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:06,413 - We have guests. - Yes, you're right. 215 00:12:06,415 --> 00:12:08,550 Have a good night, guys. Thanks so much. 216 00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:12,586 Hey. So people are going so you can deal with the kid. 217 00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:13,988 No. Don't go, Kate. 218 00:12:13,990 --> 00:12:16,356 No. I have a bleaching in the morning. 219 00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:17,660 For my teeth. 220 00:12:19,629 --> 00:12:21,995 Everyone is leaving. 221 00:12:21,997 --> 00:12:24,565 This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 222 00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:26,066 Just tell us what you want, 223 00:12:26,068 --> 00:12:27,569 and someone will make it for you. 224 00:12:27,571 --> 00:12:29,036 I want Taco Bell. 225 00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,970 Let's just go to the kitchen. Maybe we can... 226 00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,340 Don't touch me! 227 00:12:32,342 --> 00:12:33,740 It's all right. It's okay. 228 00:12:33,742 --> 00:12:36,511 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 229 00:12:36,513 --> 00:12:38,879 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 230 00:12:38,881 --> 00:12:40,782 Okay, would you nut up for second? 231 00:12:40,784 --> 00:12:42,550 Here's what you're going to do. 232 00:12:42,552 --> 00:12:44,252 You're going to get the mayor a shot of mescal. 233 00:12:44,254 --> 00:12:45,952 You're going to ask the editor of El Decor to dance. 234 00:12:45,954 --> 00:12:47,754 I'm going to tell Gustavo to play some tangos 235 00:12:47,756 --> 00:12:50,425 and get Tino to take that feral child the Taco Bell. 236 00:12:50,427 --> 00:12:52,060 Then you're going to go to the front door, 237 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,360 tell everybody to come back 238 00:12:53,362 --> 00:12:54,762 because you got me a birthday cake, 239 00:12:54,764 --> 00:12:56,464 we're going to sing, and there's cocaine. 240 00:12:56,466 --> 00:12:59,403 Yes, but I haven't, and it's not your birthday. 241 00:13:00,535 --> 00:13:02,836 It is your birthday. 242 00:13:02,838 --> 00:13:04,971 Go. Go. Go. 243 00:13:04,973 --> 00:13:06,141 Hey, everyone! 244 00:13:06,143 --> 00:13:08,643 I've got cocaine and birthday cake! 245 00:13:35,038 --> 00:13:38,773 Well, this would be the point where you say, 246 00:13:38,775 --> 00:13:42,310 "Erasmus, it's marvelous!" 247 00:13:42,312 --> 00:13:45,916 It's like staying at a five-star resort! 248 00:13:47,016 --> 00:13:49,550 I look like a fucking asshole in these. 249 00:13:49,552 --> 00:13:52,320 All right, come on. 250 00:13:52,322 --> 00:13:54,725 Bedtime. Let's go. 251 00:13:59,696 --> 00:14:01,528 Lights on or off? 252 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,397 I don't care. 253 00:14:03,399 --> 00:14:05,099 Hey, hey... 254 00:14:05,101 --> 00:14:06,367 Never say that. 255 00:14:06,369 --> 00:14:08,002 You should always care passionately 256 00:14:08,004 --> 00:14:11,942 about every single choice you make in your life. 257 00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:17,581 Good night. 258 00:14:19,348 --> 00:14:20,681 We're locking our doors. 259 00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:22,917 That kid scares the shit out of me. 260 00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:25,387 - Oh, I think he's sweet. - Really? 261 00:14:25,389 --> 00:14:26,921 Well, people thought Jeffrey Dahmer was sweet 262 00:14:26,923 --> 00:14:28,989 till he raped them and ate them. 263 00:14:28,991 --> 00:14:30,758 Ew. 264 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,561 I'm sure it's just a temporary arrangement. 265 00:14:33,563 --> 00:14:35,562 What if it's not? 266 00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:40,468 Well, would that be such a bad thing? 267 00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:43,604 My parents were such drunkaholic messes. 268 00:14:43,606 --> 00:14:45,940 I was 11 years old before I realized my father's name 269 00:14:45,942 --> 00:14:47,974 wasn't "that fucking bastard." 270 00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:51,678 Heh. You told me that joke before. 271 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,449 I'm so sorry. I'll try and work on some new material. 272 00:14:55,451 --> 00:14:57,551 Thank you. 273 00:14:57,553 --> 00:14:58,985 They were terrible parents, 274 00:14:58,987 --> 00:15:00,687 and I don't want to be a terrible parent. 275 00:15:00,689 --> 00:15:05,158 - No one's asking you to be. - Oh, God. 276 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,228 I feel like I'm going to have one of my things. 277 00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:09,663 - What things? - My panic things. 278 00:15:09,665 --> 00:15:13,868 I shouldn't have done blow. I'm such a douchebag. 279 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:17,338 - Well, take one of your pills. - I did. 280 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:21,008 You know, the editor of El Decor was dancing 281 00:15:21,010 --> 00:15:22,575 like her life depended on it. 282 00:15:22,577 --> 00:15:23,945 If she'd gone home early, 283 00:15:23,947 --> 00:15:25,613 the party would've been a disaster. 284 00:15:25,615 --> 00:15:28,181 We should check in, make sure everything's okay. 285 00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:30,183 What, with the editor? 286 00:15:30,185 --> 00:15:31,451 Hmm? No, the kid. 287 00:15:31,453 --> 00:15:33,421 Oh, he'll be fast asleep. 288 00:15:33,423 --> 00:15:34,755 We should check in, 289 00:15:34,757 --> 00:15:37,092 make sure he hasn't stolen anything. 290 00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:43,500 What the hell? 291 00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,941 Hey, kid? What's his name again? 292 00:15:53,943 --> 00:15:56,844 I told you a dozen times, I don't know. 293 00:15:56,846 --> 00:15:59,816 Kid! K... 294 00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:02,683 Should I call the police? 295 00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:05,719 No, it's okay, they're all here. They're safe. 296 00:16:05,721 --> 00:16:08,723 No, not because of your kachina doll collection. 297 00:16:08,725 --> 00:16:13,597 - Because the kid is missing. - Oh. Paul. 298 00:16:16,499 --> 00:16:18,666 Maybe one of us should take the car into town 299 00:16:18,668 --> 00:16:20,801 - and have a look around. - Meaning me? 300 00:16:20,803 --> 00:16:23,671 Well, one of us has got to stay here. 301 00:16:23,673 --> 00:16:25,241 Meaning you? 302 00:16:33,249 --> 00:16:35,185 Erasmus. 303 00:16:40,689 --> 00:16:42,989 Thank God. 304 00:16:42,991 --> 00:16:46,228 I need a drink. Oh, God. 305 00:16:52,034 --> 00:16:54,369 Hey. 306 00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:55,569 Hey, hey. 307 00:16:55,571 --> 00:16:57,671 It's okay. 308 00:16:57,673 --> 00:17:00,206 You gave us a scare, kid. 309 00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,678 Get away from me, you fag. 310 00:17:10,486 --> 00:17:12,019 So what'd the lawyer say? 311 00:17:12,021 --> 00:17:14,355 Nothing, really, just that the father is in custody, 312 00:17:14,357 --> 00:17:16,256 the mother is dead, and they're gonna send 313 00:17:16,258 --> 00:17:17,992 someone round from Social Services. 314 00:17:17,994 --> 00:17:20,861 We can't have a kid. We don't like kids. 315 00:17:20,863 --> 00:17:23,731 Stop calling him a kid. He's a child. A kid a baby goat. 316 00:17:23,733 --> 00:17:25,899 I'd rather have a baby goat. Baby goats are cute. 317 00:17:25,901 --> 00:17:29,639 Baby goats won't come and visit you when you're old and lonely. 318 00:17:30,739 --> 00:17:32,639 Besides, didn't you organize that Mexican 319 00:17:32,641 --> 00:17:34,140 children charity or something? 320 00:17:34,142 --> 00:17:36,610 Look, I love helping children in the abstract, 321 00:17:36,612 --> 00:17:38,878 but I don't want one in the house. 322 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,214 Hmm. 323 00:17:40,216 --> 00:17:41,948 Well, at any rate, we have to send it to school. 324 00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:43,817 - Really? - Yeah, it's the law. 325 00:17:43,819 --> 00:17:47,253 And it gets him out of the house for the day. 326 00:18:05,541 --> 00:18:06,607 Hello. 327 00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:08,007 Oh, hello. 328 00:18:08,009 --> 00:18:10,244 We would like to enroll this young man. 329 00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:14,817 All right. And what is his name? 330 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,694 Would you excuse us, please? 331 00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:35,936 Oh, I see you've discovered one of my favorite contraptions. 332 00:18:35,938 --> 00:18:40,507 These are such fun. Let's have a look. 333 00:18:40,509 --> 00:18:44,678 Hmm. You might want to vary your expression a bit. 334 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,651 Scoot along. Join in with me if you like. 335 00:18:49,884 --> 00:18:52,552 I like to do one happy... 336 00:18:52,554 --> 00:18:54,888 one angry... 337 00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:57,891 one silly... 338 00:18:57,893 --> 00:18:59,693 and one just looking off into the middle distance, 339 00:18:59,695 --> 00:19:02,866 thinking about something. 340 00:19:06,169 --> 00:19:08,838 Now we've got a bit of an awkward wait. 341 00:19:11,907 --> 00:19:16,842 Oh, look at those. We're hilarious. 342 00:19:16,844 --> 00:19:18,411 What would you like to do now? 343 00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:40,402 Having a party? 344 00:19:41,536 --> 00:19:43,840 No. 345 00:20:28,217 --> 00:20:31,051 And where have you been? 346 00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:33,186 Ugh. In the editing room. 347 00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,888 Trying to make something viable 348 00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:38,260 out of your insane on-camera ramblings. 349 00:20:39,894 --> 00:20:45,698 Paul, do you know that huge store called Way Mart 350 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,034 or Mall Mart, something on Cirrillos? 351 00:20:48,036 --> 00:20:50,937 Yeah, of course. It's owned by some crazy conservatives. 352 00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:52,105 You shouldn't shop there. 353 00:20:52,107 --> 00:20:54,808 I thought it was nirvana. 354 00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,878 Everything was so inexpensive. 355 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,579 The effect was intoxicating. 356 00:20:58,581 --> 00:21:02,081 As intoxicating as that giant tumbler of tequila? 357 00:21:02,083 --> 00:21:05,988 Yes. But in a different way. 358 00:21:07,122 --> 00:21:09,322 - He should be in bed. - Why? 359 00:21:09,324 --> 00:21:11,826 Because it's 2:00 in the morning. 360 00:21:11,828 --> 00:21:13,226 He doesn't have school in the morning. 361 00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,428 I know, because we haven't enrolled him 362 00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:17,997 because we don't know his name. 363 00:21:17,999 --> 00:21:19,734 Have a tequila. 364 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:22,069 Oh. I'm so tired. 365 00:21:22,071 --> 00:21:25,606 Oh. I'm so tired. 366 00:21:31,346 --> 00:21:33,045 Hey, kid. 367 00:21:33,047 --> 00:21:35,715 I know you're having fun, but it's very late. 368 00:21:35,717 --> 00:21:38,987 Why don't you turn off the TV? Let's get you to bed. 369 00:21:40,622 --> 00:21:42,389 Thanks, buddy. 370 00:21:42,391 --> 00:21:44,193 Mañana, piranha. 371 00:21:49,631 --> 00:21:52,300 Are you mad at me? 372 00:21:52,302 --> 00:21:54,169 Paul? 373 00:22:00,442 --> 00:22:05,811 Getting a nightcap? 374 00:22:05,813 --> 00:22:08,117 Some tea. 375 00:22:13,022 --> 00:22:16,391 Did you see the photo for the dust jacket? 376 00:22:18,861 --> 00:22:21,161 Yes, I did. 377 00:22:21,163 --> 00:22:23,198 What do you think? 378 00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:27,201 This is why you need me. 379 00:22:27,203 --> 00:22:30,937 You really, really should have let me look over these 380 00:22:30,939 --> 00:22:32,671 before you chose the cover, 381 00:22:32,673 --> 00:22:39,112 because you look like a person with a mental handicap. 382 00:22:39,114 --> 00:22:44,319 No creature smiles this hard in all of nature. 383 00:22:46,854 --> 00:22:50,323 I do. When you make me laugh. 384 00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:53,395 Oh. 385 00:22:54,196 --> 00:22:55,529 That was cruel. 386 00:22:57,265 --> 00:23:01,137 The kettle's boiling. So to speak. 387 00:23:04,806 --> 00:23:07,476 Fuck the tea. 388 00:23:09,411 --> 00:23:10,543 Yay. 389 00:23:20,622 --> 00:23:21,888 Well, hello. 390 00:23:21,890 --> 00:23:23,323 I assume the kid got to you okay. 391 00:23:23,325 --> 00:23:26,292 Yes. Yes, he's here with me now. 392 00:23:26,294 --> 00:23:27,661 You brought him here? 393 00:23:27,663 --> 00:23:29,396 Yes, of course. He wants to see you. 394 00:23:29,398 --> 00:23:31,865 What, are you insane? He can't see me like this. 395 00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:34,601 Don't be ridiculous. 396 00:23:34,603 --> 00:23:36,471 Want a Rolo? 397 00:23:40,676 --> 00:23:42,475 That's littering. 398 00:23:42,477 --> 00:23:43,642 So? 399 00:23:43,644 --> 00:23:46,746 So, we don't do that. 400 00:23:46,748 --> 00:23:48,083 Pick it up. 401 00:23:49,185 --> 00:23:51,187 Pick it up. 402 00:23:58,727 --> 00:24:01,428 Don't bring him back here. It's gonna screw him up in the head. 403 00:24:01,430 --> 00:24:03,664 Like every decision you haven't made already 404 00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:04,898 hasn't screwed him up. 405 00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:06,266 Hey, I don't need any shit from you. 406 00:24:06,268 --> 00:24:07,834 You're going to take it, young man, 407 00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:09,637 because Paul and I are looking after your child. 408 00:24:09,639 --> 00:24:13,205 - Who is Paul? - Paul is my male companion, 409 00:24:13,207 --> 00:24:16,275 and he has been for the last 10 years. 410 00:24:16,277 --> 00:24:17,944 You have the problem with that? 411 00:24:17,946 --> 00:24:20,149 No. 412 00:24:20,916 --> 00:24:23,082 Oh. Well, anyway, 413 00:24:23,084 --> 00:24:24,317 we brought him here 414 00:24:24,319 --> 00:24:26,219 so that you could see each other 415 00:24:26,221 --> 00:24:27,821 and to reassure you that he's being 416 00:24:27,823 --> 00:24:30,659 well taken care of in your absence. 417 00:24:33,128 --> 00:24:34,927 You're welcome. 418 00:24:34,929 --> 00:24:37,398 What would I thank you for? 419 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,331 Where were you when I was 10 years old? 420 00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,634 I could've used you then. 421 00:24:40,636 --> 00:24:41,968 And now you come back here 422 00:24:41,970 --> 00:24:43,637 with your scarf around your neck and think 423 00:24:43,639 --> 00:24:44,704 you're saving the day? 424 00:24:44,706 --> 00:24:46,372 It's called kerchief. 425 00:24:46,374 --> 00:24:47,840 You're not the hero of me 426 00:24:47,842 --> 00:24:49,042 and my son's story, all right? 427 00:24:49,044 --> 00:24:51,380 You're a last resort. 428 00:24:52,313 --> 00:24:55,215 Wait. What's his name? 429 00:24:56,384 --> 00:24:57,584 I wrote it in the Bible. 430 00:24:57,586 --> 00:24:59,388 Wait. What? 431 00:25:05,861 --> 00:25:08,428 So, it turns out the county 432 00:25:08,430 --> 00:25:11,631 won't allow visits from children today. 433 00:25:11,633 --> 00:25:13,132 But the lady out front said that it was... 434 00:25:13,134 --> 00:25:16,403 Without additional paperwork. 435 00:25:16,405 --> 00:25:19,142 Oh. 436 00:25:20,275 --> 00:25:22,576 I have a great idea. 437 00:25:22,578 --> 00:25:24,476 Why don't we go to a video arcade 438 00:25:24,478 --> 00:25:27,380 - and then get some ice cream? - Yeah. 439 00:25:27,382 --> 00:25:30,451 Or we could go to the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum, 440 00:25:30,453 --> 00:25:33,289 and afterwards have a nice salad. 441 00:25:34,823 --> 00:25:36,689 - Yes! Yes! - Yes! Fuck you! 442 00:25:36,691 --> 00:25:39,193 - You saw that, didn't you?! - Nice shot! Nice shot! 443 00:25:39,195 --> 00:25:42,696 Yes! 444 00:25:56,378 --> 00:25:58,779 Excuse me... sweetheart. 445 00:25:58,781 --> 00:26:02,349 We don't fold throws. It's too fussy. 446 00:26:02,351 --> 00:26:03,849 We want it be more casual, 447 00:26:03,851 --> 00:26:08,155 so we drape it like a woman reclining, thus. 448 00:26:08,157 --> 00:26:09,723 Yes, you mustn't make it seem as if you put 449 00:26:09,725 --> 00:26:11,724 - too much thought into it. - Exactly so. 450 00:26:11,726 --> 00:26:13,927 It shouldn't look like it's been placed there. 451 00:26:13,929 --> 00:26:15,596 - It should look like it's... - Just appeared. 452 00:26:15,598 --> 00:26:17,230 - Yes, like a... - Cyst. 453 00:26:17,232 --> 00:26:19,567 - ...rainbow or a... - Cancer cell. 454 00:26:19,569 --> 00:26:21,501 Wildflower. 455 00:26:21,503 --> 00:26:24,070 - Perfect. - That's wrong. 456 00:26:24,072 --> 00:26:27,209 Excuse us. Uh. Excuse me. 457 00:26:28,176 --> 00:26:30,810 Look, the Bible. 458 00:26:30,812 --> 00:26:33,647 Hmm. 459 00:26:33,649 --> 00:26:35,349 From Bo, remember? He said he left a note. 460 00:26:35,351 --> 00:26:37,951 Oh, yeah, sorry. I thought you'd found God. 461 00:26:37,953 --> 00:26:41,754 Um, "It's Bo. Remember me? This is grandson. 462 00:26:41,756 --> 00:26:45,591 "Mother is dead. I got trouble/jail. 463 00:26:45,593 --> 00:26:48,328 Take care of him. He's Angel." 464 00:26:48,330 --> 00:26:51,197 He's really got something against articles of speech. 465 00:26:51,199 --> 00:26:52,198 Angel... 466 00:26:56,205 --> 00:26:58,407 Is your name Angel? 467 00:27:01,275 --> 00:27:02,909 Why didn't you tell us? 468 00:27:05,813 --> 00:27:07,813 I don't like it. 469 00:27:07,815 --> 00:27:09,015 No one likes their name. 470 00:27:09,017 --> 00:27:10,317 No, can you imagine how I felt 471 00:27:10,319 --> 00:27:11,752 on my first day at school when the teacher 472 00:27:11,754 --> 00:27:13,453 called out a Erasmus Dickey Brumble? 473 00:27:13,455 --> 00:27:16,391 - What's wrong with Angel? - It's gay. 474 00:27:17,258 --> 00:27:18,725 It is a little gay. 475 00:27:18,727 --> 00:27:20,627 What would you like to be called? 476 00:27:20,629 --> 00:27:22,029 Bill. 477 00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:24,130 Then Bill you shall be. 478 00:27:24,132 --> 00:27:26,632 You can't just change his name because he wants to change it. 479 00:27:26,634 --> 00:27:29,069 - Why not? - Yeah, why not? 480 00:27:29,071 --> 00:27:32,973 All right, fine, Bill it is. But one question. 481 00:27:32,975 --> 00:27:35,376 Why didn't you just tell us you wanted to be called Bill 482 00:27:35,378 --> 00:27:36,510 from the outset? 483 00:27:36,512 --> 00:27:38,344 Because I just thought of it. 484 00:27:38,346 --> 00:27:40,580 I've been trying to think of a name. 485 00:27:40,582 --> 00:27:42,049 What difference does it make? 486 00:27:42,051 --> 00:27:45,051 It makes a difference because for two weeks, 487 00:27:45,053 --> 00:27:46,186 we've been calling him "kid" 488 00:27:46,188 --> 00:27:47,486 and we haven't put him in school. 489 00:27:47,488 --> 00:27:50,256 No problem, just from now on, communicate. 490 00:27:50,258 --> 00:27:51,791 Yeah, communicate. 491 00:27:51,793 --> 00:27:53,726 Don't, don't, don't, don't! 492 00:27:53,728 --> 00:27:54,794 Don't do that! 493 00:27:54,796 --> 00:27:56,463 All the fucking time you do that! 494 00:27:56,465 --> 00:27:58,165 You make me look like an idiot 495 00:27:58,167 --> 00:28:00,867 in front of the crew, in front of the kid! 496 00:28:00,869 --> 00:28:03,535 The kid's got a name. He's call... 497 00:28:03,537 --> 00:28:04,870 Sorry, what was your name? 498 00:28:04,872 --> 00:28:06,372 It's Bill! 499 00:28:06,374 --> 00:28:09,076 Uh, Paul? Paul, wait, we need you. 500 00:28:12,547 --> 00:28:16,449 Well, can you make an exception in my case? 501 00:28:16,451 --> 00:28:18,952 Perhaps it would make a difference if I was to tell you 502 00:28:18,954 --> 00:28:22,388 my name was Erasmus Bumble. 503 00:28:22,390 --> 00:28:25,926 I present to cookery program and... Oh, sod it. 504 00:28:25,928 --> 00:28:29,599 Taco Bell don't deliver. I can't get a hold of Paul. 505 00:28:30,865 --> 00:28:32,933 Hello, Paul, it's me. 506 00:28:32,935 --> 00:28:35,903 You made your point quite eloquently. 507 00:28:35,905 --> 00:28:37,471 Please come home. 508 00:28:40,476 --> 00:28:46,045 I have made you cochinita pibil with homemade tortilla. 509 00:28:46,047 --> 00:28:48,447 I've offered to make you anything 510 00:28:48,449 --> 00:28:52,321 from the finest ingredients known to man. 511 00:28:53,956 --> 00:28:55,888 Taco Bell. 512 00:28:55,890 --> 00:28:58,826 Fine. 513 00:28:58,828 --> 00:29:00,426 All right. 514 00:29:00,428 --> 00:29:03,332 Total capitulation. 515 00:29:08,871 --> 00:29:10,372 Shit. 516 00:29:11,573 --> 00:29:14,474 This is raccoon. 517 00:29:14,476 --> 00:29:17,343 It's by the building that's brown, 518 00:29:17,345 --> 00:29:18,611 and its square, 519 00:29:18,613 --> 00:29:20,747 and it has these little logs on the roof. 520 00:29:20,749 --> 00:29:23,050 In case you hadn't noticed, 521 00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:27,853 you just described every fucking building in Santa Fe. 522 00:29:27,855 --> 00:29:28,921 Wait, there it is! 523 00:29:28,923 --> 00:29:31,459 Oh, great. 524 00:29:38,501 --> 00:29:41,100 ♪♪ I'm glad we made it To Taco Bell ♪♪ 525 00:29:41,102 --> 00:29:43,305 Come on, come on, come on! 526 00:29:45,908 --> 00:29:48,308 Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. My name's Leticia. 527 00:29:48,310 --> 00:29:49,642 How can I help you? 528 00:29:49,644 --> 00:29:52,344 Hello, Leticia. My name is Erasmus. 529 00:29:52,346 --> 00:29:54,981 And this is my grandson Bill. 530 00:29:54,983 --> 00:29:56,683 Can I have the Crunch Wrap Supreme with bacon 531 00:29:56,685 --> 00:29:58,118 and the Nachos BellGrande? 532 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,785 Sure. 533 00:30:01,256 --> 00:30:04,157 And for you, sir? 534 00:30:04,159 --> 00:30:06,559 I'm sorry, I am mesmerized 535 00:30:06,561 --> 00:30:11,330 by the divergent culinary concepts at play here. 536 00:30:11,332 --> 00:30:13,533 Cheesy Gordita Crunch. 537 00:30:13,535 --> 00:30:17,803 Fiery Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme. 538 00:30:17,805 --> 00:30:20,541 I mean, it's like Mexican jazz music. 539 00:30:20,543 --> 00:30:23,709 - Are you a Erasmus Brumble? - I am indeed. 540 00:30:23,711 --> 00:30:25,278 I heard that you called earlier. 541 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,682 I love your books and your TV show, and, well, 542 00:30:28,684 --> 00:30:30,417 what are you doing here? 543 00:30:30,419 --> 00:30:32,552 Well, if you like my books and my TV show, 544 00:30:32,554 --> 00:30:33,986 what are you doing here? 545 00:30:33,988 --> 00:30:36,823 Are you going to order something? 546 00:30:36,825 --> 00:30:39,426 I'd love to see the wine list first, please. 547 00:30:41,630 --> 00:30:43,765 He wasn't joking. 548 00:30:48,269 --> 00:30:49,468 You like it? 549 00:30:49,470 --> 00:30:53,240 Oh, Bill, I've seen the light. 550 00:30:53,242 --> 00:30:54,741 What? 551 00:30:54,743 --> 00:30:56,776 Well, have a think. 552 00:30:56,778 --> 00:31:00,015 What's the happiest you've ever been? 553 00:31:02,551 --> 00:31:05,385 One time with my dad, he took me to the mountains, 554 00:31:05,387 --> 00:31:06,989 and we shot squirrels. 555 00:31:08,323 --> 00:31:10,991 Hmm. 556 00:31:10,993 --> 00:31:17,597 Well, for me, sitting here sharing this taco with you, 557 00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:19,769 is that good. 558 00:31:25,340 --> 00:31:29,678 But there's got to be a better table than this. 559 00:31:35,749 --> 00:31:38,820 How long have you been sitting alone here in the dark? 560 00:31:39,653 --> 00:31:42,054 Uh... 10 years. 561 00:31:42,056 --> 00:31:44,858 It's been a nightmare since you've been away. 562 00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:46,826 Bill and I have been crying our eyes out. 563 00:31:46,828 --> 00:31:50,128 - Isn't that right, Bill? - No, it was fine. 564 00:31:50,130 --> 00:31:51,598 We went to Taco Bell. 565 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,702 Why don't you trot off to bed, little man? 566 00:31:57,805 --> 00:32:00,307 We can't have a kid. 567 00:32:00,309 --> 00:32:03,242 We are kids. 568 00:32:03,244 --> 00:32:04,778 Well, that's not true. 569 00:32:04,780 --> 00:32:06,779 You're more of a kid than me. 570 00:32:06,781 --> 00:32:08,782 Do I have a sense of play? 571 00:32:08,784 --> 00:32:11,118 Oh, uh, yeah. 572 00:32:13,421 --> 00:32:15,088 But you're a man. 573 00:32:15,090 --> 00:32:19,458 You're a great big hulking Paleolithic beast of a man. 574 00:32:19,460 --> 00:32:22,128 You're talking about my ass. 575 00:32:22,130 --> 00:32:23,629 No. 576 00:32:23,631 --> 00:32:25,831 Look at me. 577 00:32:25,833 --> 00:32:30,972 You have the biggest heart of any man I know. 578 00:33:00,735 --> 00:33:02,871 Is everything all right? 579 00:33:07,342 --> 00:33:09,274 Yes, everything's fine. 580 00:33:09,276 --> 00:33:11,813 Can I have Chunky Monkey? 581 00:33:13,148 --> 00:33:15,150 Yes, of course. 582 00:33:16,317 --> 00:33:17,850 Where is it? 583 00:33:17,852 --> 00:33:20,086 It's in the freezer in the kitchen. 584 00:33:20,088 --> 00:33:22,591 There isn't any there. I looked. 585 00:33:23,557 --> 00:33:25,692 No, it's in the freezer in the garage! 586 00:33:25,694 --> 00:33:27,159 It's in the garage! 587 00:33:27,161 --> 00:33:29,861 The one with all the Kevin Costner magnets on it! 588 00:33:29,863 --> 00:33:31,164 Who's Kevin "Coster"? 589 00:33:31,166 --> 00:33:33,000 He was in that film. What was it called? 590 00:33:33,002 --> 00:33:34,567 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matt... 591 00:33:34,569 --> 00:33:35,936 It's doesn't matter. 592 00:33:35,938 --> 00:33:38,272 It's the only freezer that's in the garage. 593 00:33:38,274 --> 00:33:39,438 Okay. 594 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,709 Good night. 595 00:33:44,246 --> 00:33:45,444 Do you want some? 596 00:33:45,446 --> 00:33:47,550 No, thank you. 597 00:33:48,350 --> 00:33:50,019 Okay. 598 00:33:51,986 --> 00:33:55,388 Oh, Dances with Wolves! 599 00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:05,167 We gotta make him lunch. 600 00:34:07,034 --> 00:34:09,171 We have to make him lunch. 601 00:34:11,773 --> 00:34:13,943 We have to make him lunch. 602 00:34:16,543 --> 00:34:18,211 Taco Bell. 603 00:34:18,213 --> 00:34:20,613 - Pepperoni pizza. - No. 604 00:34:20,615 --> 00:34:22,782 Come on, man, look. It's got... 605 00:34:22,784 --> 00:34:26,952 tongue twisters, jokes, and more mixed-up fun inside. 606 00:34:26,954 --> 00:34:29,354 No. 607 00:34:29,356 --> 00:34:31,759 Oh, God... 608 00:34:34,996 --> 00:34:36,963 All right. Last offer. 609 00:34:36,965 --> 00:34:40,999 A 2-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids for lunch. 610 00:34:41,001 --> 00:34:44,303 Candy is for dessert. 611 00:34:44,305 --> 00:34:46,707 You got all the flavors. 612 00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:48,008 Blue. 613 00:34:48,010 --> 00:34:49,979 Please. 614 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,588 Uh, we're still serving breakfast. 615 00:35:01,590 --> 00:35:02,821 For how long? 616 00:35:02,823 --> 00:35:05,658 Uh... Another 45 minutes. 617 00:35:05,660 --> 00:35:07,997 Oh, fuck you. 618 00:35:13,869 --> 00:35:15,401 Has it been 45 minutes yet? 619 00:35:15,403 --> 00:35:18,370 No, it's been two. 620 00:35:18,372 --> 00:35:21,774 I want 20 crunch wraps with bacon, please. 621 00:35:21,776 --> 00:35:24,611 - Twenty? - Twenty. 622 00:35:24,613 --> 00:35:25,979 Why'd you get 20 of 'em? 623 00:35:25,981 --> 00:35:27,314 Because I'm gonna freeze them 624 00:35:27,316 --> 00:35:29,651 and then thaw them out every morning. 625 00:35:30,686 --> 00:35:33,885 That's... not going to work. 626 00:35:33,887 --> 00:35:35,555 And it's weird. 627 00:35:35,557 --> 00:35:38,925 Why can't I just take them to school in a Taco Bell bag? 628 00:35:41,195 --> 00:35:44,930 Because I've written articles for Server magazine. 629 00:35:44,932 --> 00:35:48,501 - Do you know what that is? - No. 630 00:35:48,503 --> 00:35:51,139 Get the fuck out of my car. 631 00:36:05,686 --> 00:36:07,255 Mmm. 632 00:36:10,992 --> 00:36:14,227 So the bartender says, "No? You don't know? 633 00:36:14,229 --> 00:36:17,396 You walk him and pitch to the rhino." 634 00:36:19,133 --> 00:36:21,033 Why are you wearing chaps at dinner? 635 00:36:21,035 --> 00:36:24,070 These used to belong to Roy Rogers. 636 00:36:26,073 --> 00:36:27,673 - Please. - Even though 637 00:36:27,675 --> 00:36:29,008 I don't believe in reincarnation, 638 00:36:29,010 --> 00:36:30,876 I am becoming more and more convinced 639 00:36:30,878 --> 00:36:33,678 that in a previous life, I was a cattle rustler. 640 00:36:35,284 --> 00:36:37,249 You just said you don't believe in reincarnation. 641 00:36:37,251 --> 00:36:39,619 I can rustle cattle. I roped a steer. 642 00:36:39,621 --> 00:36:41,889 You couldn't rope Ethel Merman. 643 00:36:43,392 --> 00:36:45,892 Bill, do you like the place? 644 00:36:45,894 --> 00:36:47,426 Seriously, tell them what time you go to bed. 645 00:36:47,428 --> 00:36:48,961 - Whenever I want. - Oh... 646 00:36:48,963 --> 00:36:52,198 I want Erasmus and Paul to be my granddaddys. 647 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,635 - You like Erasmus's cooking? - No, it's gross. 648 00:36:57,773 --> 00:36:59,071 Where is your dad? 649 00:36:59,073 --> 00:37:00,939 He's in jail for beating up a hooker. 650 00:37:02,878 --> 00:37:04,910 Where does he get this stuff? 651 00:37:04,912 --> 00:37:07,079 He's actually not kidding about that. 652 00:37:07,081 --> 00:37:08,881 Oh. Heh. 653 00:37:08,883 --> 00:37:13,122 Um, well, where's your mom? 654 00:37:13,921 --> 00:37:15,720 She was a drug addict. 655 00:37:15,722 --> 00:37:18,226 And she took too many drugs one night. 656 00:37:19,093 --> 00:37:21,559 And she fell off the balcony. 657 00:37:21,561 --> 00:37:24,365 It was four stories high. 658 00:37:32,340 --> 00:37:34,807 Where were you when this happened? 659 00:37:34,809 --> 00:37:36,979 In the next room. 660 00:37:48,856 --> 00:37:54,829 Well, the good news is I've made a pear tart. 661 00:38:22,689 --> 00:38:24,892 Hi. 662 00:38:25,827 --> 00:38:27,359 Hi. 663 00:38:27,361 --> 00:38:28,628 I'm Melissa Enright 664 00:38:28,630 --> 00:38:30,932 with Child Protective Services. 665 00:38:32,834 --> 00:38:36,635 Hi. Hey, come... come... come on in. 666 00:38:36,637 --> 00:38:39,040 - Thank you. - Yeah. 667 00:38:40,742 --> 00:38:43,276 This is the first of several mandated visits 668 00:38:43,278 --> 00:38:45,477 by the CPS of New Mexico. 669 00:38:45,479 --> 00:38:47,012 Fantastic. 670 00:38:47,014 --> 00:38:49,148 When a single parent is arrested, 671 00:38:49,150 --> 00:38:52,017 there's an inquiry initiated by CPS. 672 00:38:52,019 --> 00:38:54,820 He's been here for 10 weeks. 673 00:38:54,822 --> 00:38:56,388 We're backlogged. 674 00:38:56,390 --> 00:38:57,957 So is he here? 675 00:38:59,061 --> 00:39:00,191 Who's that? 676 00:39:00,193 --> 00:39:03,729 Erasmus, this is, uh... 677 00:39:03,731 --> 00:39:04,997 - Melissa. - Melissa. 678 00:39:04,999 --> 00:39:07,332 From Child Protective Services. 679 00:39:07,334 --> 00:39:08,934 Oh, shit. 680 00:39:08,936 --> 00:39:11,505 Uh, hello, Melissa, I'm Erasmus. 681 00:39:13,073 --> 00:39:15,041 So, yeah, Bill's around. And you haven't seen... 682 00:39:16,276 --> 00:39:18,211 I don't know. I just got up. 683 00:39:18,213 --> 00:39:20,012 Is anything wrong? 684 00:39:20,014 --> 00:39:21,347 No, Melissa. 685 00:39:21,349 --> 00:39:24,584 Welcome to our humble country abode. 686 00:39:24,586 --> 00:39:26,785 I'll just going to put some coffee on. 687 00:39:26,787 --> 00:39:30,256 Ooh. It's good coffee. 688 00:39:30,258 --> 00:39:35,428 Yes, also good if we find the child. 689 00:39:37,697 --> 00:39:39,966 Oh, here he is. 690 00:39:39,968 --> 00:39:42,938 Right where we sometimes find him. 691 00:39:43,939 --> 00:39:45,204 Hello. 692 00:39:45,206 --> 00:39:48,576 Yeah, he likes to be called Bill. 693 00:39:50,544 --> 00:39:52,345 So they take me to school every morning, 694 00:39:52,347 --> 00:39:54,981 and then they pick me up every afternoon. 695 00:39:54,983 --> 00:39:57,584 Together? They both go? 696 00:39:57,586 --> 00:40:00,986 It's usually Paul. 697 00:40:00,988 --> 00:40:03,055 No, it's always Paul. 698 00:40:03,057 --> 00:40:05,225 Has anything happened here at home 699 00:40:05,227 --> 00:40:08,330 that frightened or disturbed you? 700 00:40:09,396 --> 00:40:11,097 No. 701 00:40:11,099 --> 00:40:13,135 Are you sure? 702 00:40:14,401 --> 00:40:15,867 Like what? 703 00:40:15,869 --> 00:40:19,540 Like any hitting or yelling? 704 00:40:20,807 --> 00:40:23,742 Mm, not really. 705 00:40:23,744 --> 00:40:25,544 Not really? 706 00:40:25,546 --> 00:40:26,611 You're not sure? 707 00:40:26,613 --> 00:40:27,946 I mean no. 708 00:40:27,948 --> 00:40:30,515 Have you seen anything that confused you? 709 00:40:30,517 --> 00:40:36,287 Certain kinds of touching that made you uncomfortable? 710 00:40:36,289 --> 00:40:37,323 No. 711 00:40:37,325 --> 00:40:39,158 It seems like something happened 712 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,495 that you don't want to talk to me about. 713 00:40:42,497 --> 00:40:44,666 But you can tell me anything. 714 00:40:47,668 --> 00:40:49,734 Can't I just show you? 715 00:40:49,736 --> 00:40:51,271 Of course. 716 00:40:51,273 --> 00:40:55,374 Those flat shoes. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. 717 00:40:55,376 --> 00:40:58,980 They're so flat, it actually makes her shorter. 718 00:41:00,081 --> 00:41:04,483 It's not even an inch. It's completely flat. 719 00:41:04,485 --> 00:41:05,952 Everything all right? 720 00:41:05,954 --> 00:41:09,358 Totally fine. What a large room. 721 00:41:11,892 --> 00:41:13,526 The hell does that mean? 722 00:41:13,528 --> 00:41:15,530 I hate her. 723 00:41:16,664 --> 00:41:19,164 Excuse me... 724 00:41:19,166 --> 00:41:22,203 Would both of you come this way, please? 725 00:41:24,139 --> 00:41:27,575 Do you think she heard us calling her a dumb bitch? 726 00:41:31,646 --> 00:41:34,483 Hope she hasn't found the porn. Heh. 727 00:41:36,617 --> 00:41:41,187 Yeah, I mean, most of the places I go are really horrific. 728 00:41:41,189 --> 00:41:44,222 So when I saw this house, I was like, "Lucky kid." 729 00:41:44,224 --> 00:41:46,158 But you can't give a kid porno. 730 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,794 Yes, but the thing is, they are all Paul's. 731 00:41:49,796 --> 00:41:51,564 What? No, they're not. 732 00:41:51,566 --> 00:41:52,999 Some of them. 733 00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:54,499 You know, we keep this locked up. 734 00:41:54,501 --> 00:41:56,836 The thing about a lock is, it has no meaning 735 00:41:56,838 --> 00:41:58,204 if there's a key in it. 736 00:41:58,206 --> 00:42:00,740 Is that Confucius? Heh. 737 00:42:00,742 --> 00:42:01,908 No, that's true. 738 00:42:01,910 --> 00:42:03,376 I was just trying to find ET. 739 00:42:03,378 --> 00:42:05,010 - Hey. ET. - Bill! 740 00:42:05,012 --> 00:42:08,847 - Classic Spielberg. Weaver of dreams. - Oh. 741 00:42:08,849 --> 00:42:10,716 I love when his finger lights up. 742 00:42:10,718 --> 00:42:12,151 That's how you can tell he's an alien. 743 00:42:12,153 --> 00:42:14,289 - And his face. - And his face. 744 00:42:15,322 --> 00:42:17,491 Bill, would you give us a moment? 745 00:42:22,095 --> 00:42:24,229 Sex Wars: Phantom Ass. 746 00:42:24,231 --> 00:42:25,664 It's just a phase he was going through. 747 00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:27,767 Yeah, I'm kind of a Star Wars guy. 748 00:42:30,470 --> 00:42:31,736 Bareback Mountain? 749 00:42:31,738 --> 00:42:33,571 What they do is take a recognized title 750 00:42:33,573 --> 00:42:36,341 and just give it a bit of a cheeky twist. 751 00:42:36,343 --> 00:42:37,642 - I get it. - It's unusual in that 752 00:42:37,644 --> 00:42:41,650 the source material is also... gay. 753 00:42:44,218 --> 00:42:46,651 Buttpluggerz. We're throwing them all out. 754 00:42:46,653 --> 00:42:50,525 There's so much online. What did I just say? 755 00:42:53,427 --> 00:42:55,961 Is it okay if I come back? 756 00:42:55,963 --> 00:42:57,162 Yes, any time. 757 00:42:57,164 --> 00:43:00,365 Great, good, because I will be back. 758 00:43:00,367 --> 00:43:02,301 We long for you to return. 759 00:43:02,303 --> 00:43:06,104 Late mornings generally are best. 760 00:43:06,106 --> 00:43:07,539 One last thing. 761 00:43:07,541 --> 00:43:09,575 It really feels like you should be cooking 762 00:43:09,577 --> 00:43:12,144 something nutritious for Bill at home, 763 00:43:12,146 --> 00:43:13,479 not just grabbing fast food, 764 00:43:13,481 --> 00:43:14,979 especially given your line of work. 765 00:43:14,981 --> 00:43:17,182 - It's not me. It's him. - That's great advice. 766 00:43:17,184 --> 00:43:20,889 Thank you so much for that input. 767 00:43:22,889 --> 00:43:25,126 Have a good day. 768 00:43:27,327 --> 00:43:28,760 What a queer fish. 769 00:43:28,762 --> 00:43:30,731 Uh, yeah. 770 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,702 Does he have friends outside of school? 771 00:43:36,704 --> 00:43:39,405 Uh, two of us. 772 00:43:39,407 --> 00:43:41,807 Household employees. 773 00:43:41,809 --> 00:43:42,941 Staff. 774 00:43:42,943 --> 00:43:44,544 Anyone his age? 775 00:43:44,546 --> 00:43:46,211 Uh, well, there's Tino. 776 00:43:46,213 --> 00:43:49,148 Oh, good, Tino. How old is Tino? 777 00:43:49,150 --> 00:43:50,349 24. 778 00:43:50,351 --> 00:43:53,287 No, he doesn't really. 779 00:43:54,287 --> 00:43:56,354 I would like to refer you 780 00:43:56,356 --> 00:43:59,858 to a developmental therapist here in Santa Fe. 781 00:43:59,860 --> 00:44:03,294 - Are you saying he's insane? - No, no, no, of course not. 782 00:44:03,296 --> 00:44:05,430 But treatment can benefit someone 783 00:44:05,432 --> 00:44:08,066 who's been living with an unstable personality. 784 00:44:08,068 --> 00:44:09,734 Maybe I should get some treatment. 785 00:44:09,736 --> 00:44:11,370 Of course, if you feel that you... 786 00:44:11,372 --> 00:44:14,307 - He's joking. - I... 787 00:44:14,309 --> 00:44:16,941 In any event, I have a very important 788 00:44:16,943 --> 00:44:20,780 harvest-abundance episode of my television program to record. 789 00:44:20,782 --> 00:44:22,648 So if you've nothing further to say, I'll take my leave, 790 00:44:22,650 --> 00:44:25,617 and if you could find the time to teach him how to spell, 791 00:44:25,619 --> 00:44:29,490 add and subtract, that would suffice. 792 00:44:34,262 --> 00:44:35,961 Un-fucking-believable. 793 00:44:35,963 --> 00:44:37,997 She's just trying to do her job, Paul. 794 00:44:37,999 --> 00:44:40,966 Not her. You, you dumb dick. 795 00:44:40,968 --> 00:44:43,570 - What? - He should be making friends. 796 00:44:43,572 --> 00:44:45,070 My God, after everything he's been... 797 00:44:45,072 --> 00:44:48,106 - What concern is it of yours? - Excuse me? 798 00:44:48,108 --> 00:44:51,276 You've expressed how little interest you have in him. 799 00:44:51,278 --> 00:44:52,912 Mm-hmm, and I pick him up from school every day. 800 00:44:52,914 --> 00:44:55,648 And I appreciate your efforts, but you made it abundantly clear 801 00:44:55,650 --> 00:44:57,450 you don't want to be saddled with the responsibility. 802 00:44:57,452 --> 00:44:59,619 Well, I am saddled with the responsibility. 803 00:44:59,621 --> 00:45:01,519 When he first arrived I thought, oh, I don't know 804 00:45:01,521 --> 00:45:02,921 - how we're going to handle... - Paul... 805 00:45:02,923 --> 00:45:04,457 Can you make a mental note of all this, 806 00:45:04,459 --> 00:45:06,425 and we can sort it out over a smart cocktail? 807 00:45:06,427 --> 00:45:08,526 I have something at stake here. 808 00:45:08,528 --> 00:45:10,296 - What? - When he got here, 809 00:45:10,298 --> 00:45:12,030 I thought, oh, great, you know what? 810 00:45:12,032 --> 00:45:13,832 I'm going to be stuck with all the responsibility. 811 00:45:13,834 --> 00:45:16,369 And surprise, I am stuck with it, 812 00:45:16,371 --> 00:45:19,070 but I will not wake up early every day, 813 00:45:19,072 --> 00:45:21,807 wake him up, pack his lunch, help him with his homework... 814 00:45:21,809 --> 00:45:23,575 yeah, by the way, he has homework... 815 00:45:23,577 --> 00:45:26,144 and have you tell me it has nothing to do with me. 816 00:45:27,615 --> 00:45:30,850 You know what? I am so sick of being this furious. 817 00:45:30,852 --> 00:45:34,753 I... I give up. 818 00:45:34,755 --> 00:45:37,256 What am I doing? You have to tape. 819 00:45:37,258 --> 00:45:39,124 I have to stay here and pick him up. 820 00:45:39,126 --> 00:45:40,526 No, Tino can pick him up. 821 00:45:40,528 --> 00:45:42,428 - I'll pick him up. - Don't be a martyr. 822 00:45:42,430 --> 00:45:44,633 Oh, God. This. 823 00:45:46,334 --> 00:45:48,901 This, I never imagined for myself. 824 00:45:48,903 --> 00:45:50,436 I went to Wesleyan. 825 00:45:50,438 --> 00:45:52,704 My contemporaries are scions of industry. 826 00:45:52,706 --> 00:45:55,941 I should be living in New York running the Food Network, 827 00:45:55,943 --> 00:45:58,776 not sitting here in this dusty pueblo 828 00:45:58,778 --> 00:46:00,780 babysitting the boy from The Shining. 829 00:46:00,782 --> 00:46:03,249 Yeah, and I went to Oxford and all my friends... 830 00:46:03,251 --> 00:46:05,818 You went to cooking school in the town of Oxford. 831 00:46:05,820 --> 00:46:08,019 - What's your point? - It's a very different thing. 832 00:46:08,021 --> 00:46:09,254 What's your point? 833 00:46:09,256 --> 00:46:12,524 My friends at The Rachel Ray Show 834 00:46:12,526 --> 00:46:15,626 called me again and told me 835 00:46:15,628 --> 00:46:19,366 there's still a job there for me if I want it. 836 00:46:20,901 --> 00:46:22,570 Idle threat. 837 00:46:24,338 --> 00:46:25,704 Mm. 838 00:46:25,706 --> 00:46:28,676 Wait up, wait up! 839 00:46:30,945 --> 00:46:33,245 Wait, what do we do best? 840 00:46:33,247 --> 00:46:35,314 Drink and argue. 841 00:46:35,316 --> 00:46:36,682 Throw parties. 842 00:46:36,684 --> 00:46:38,450 We just need to give Bill a proper birthday. 843 00:46:38,452 --> 00:46:40,352 - It's his birthday? - Doesn't matter. 844 00:46:40,354 --> 00:46:42,055 But we do need to freshen up the genre. 845 00:46:42,057 --> 00:46:44,523 We need a theme, something stunning. 846 00:46:44,525 --> 00:46:47,660 I thought we were in the middle of a fight. 847 00:46:47,662 --> 00:46:48,797 What? 848 00:46:50,932 --> 00:46:53,032 Forget "Pin the Tail on the Donkey." 849 00:46:53,034 --> 00:46:55,233 Try "Pinning the Tail on Ganesh," 850 00:46:55,235 --> 00:46:59,271 the elephant-headed Hindu deity at your next children's party. 851 00:46:59,273 --> 00:47:01,573 I'm going to take you on a tour of the Indian subcontinent, 852 00:47:01,575 --> 00:47:03,642 where we're going to discover the secrets 853 00:47:03,644 --> 00:47:07,213 of tandoori lobster dogs, saffron cupcakes, 854 00:47:07,215 --> 00:47:09,517 and tamarind ice cream. 855 00:47:11,119 --> 00:47:13,318 This is your passage to India. 856 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:18,222 I'm a Erasmus Brumble, and this is Ideal Home. 857 00:47:23,631 --> 00:47:26,733 One of the staples of authentic Indian cuisine 858 00:47:26,735 --> 00:47:29,635 is of course naan, the indigenous flatbread. 859 00:47:29,637 --> 00:47:31,769 But I need someone to help me roll the dough. 860 00:47:31,771 --> 00:47:33,372 - Heather... - My name's not Heather. 861 00:47:33,374 --> 00:47:34,939 - It's Whitney. - That's all right. 862 00:47:34,941 --> 00:47:36,675 Bill, would you like to help me grind 863 00:47:36,677 --> 00:47:39,311 some tamarind paste with this pestle and mortar? 864 00:47:39,313 --> 00:47:41,180 No. Let's get Taco Bell. 865 00:47:41,182 --> 00:47:42,715 - Yeah! Taco Bell! - Cut! 866 00:47:42,717 --> 00:47:47,586 Taco Bell! Taco Bell! Taco Bell! Taco Bell! 867 00:47:53,327 --> 00:47:55,227 - Hey. - What? 868 00:47:55,229 --> 00:47:58,296 - Is this your party? - Yeah. 869 00:47:58,298 --> 00:48:00,435 Do you have two dads? 870 00:48:01,401 --> 00:48:05,336 No. Well, I don't know. 871 00:48:05,338 --> 00:48:06,907 Sort of. 872 00:48:08,343 --> 00:48:10,075 That's littering. 873 00:48:10,077 --> 00:48:11,343 So what? 874 00:48:11,345 --> 00:48:13,111 We don't do that here. 875 00:48:27,394 --> 00:48:28,896 Wow! 876 00:48:31,965 --> 00:48:33,030 Wow! 877 00:48:33,032 --> 00:48:35,733 Oh, my gosh, this has been so amazing. 878 00:48:35,735 --> 00:48:38,135 Um, Chelsea's got a birthday next weekend. 879 00:48:38,137 --> 00:48:40,539 - Mmm... - And we would so love 880 00:48:40,541 --> 00:48:42,709 to have you guys come. 881 00:48:43,610 --> 00:48:45,577 - Well, fantastic. - Yeah? 882 00:48:45,579 --> 00:48:48,546 Try and keep us away. 883 00:48:55,590 --> 00:48:57,890 See, the Spurs need to stick to what they do best, 884 00:48:57,892 --> 00:49:00,459 work as a team. I mean, you got Ginobili, 885 00:49:00,461 --> 00:49:03,028 you got Leonard, small ball. Thanks, hon. 886 00:49:03,030 --> 00:49:06,298 I don't really know who those people are. 887 00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:08,901 I don't even know what sport you're talking about. 888 00:49:08,903 --> 00:49:10,568 I think it's baseball, is it? 889 00:49:10,570 --> 00:49:12,104 That's the one with a small ball. 890 00:49:12,106 --> 00:49:13,705 I know that. 891 00:49:13,707 --> 00:49:16,709 - We're not really sporty types. - No. 892 00:49:17,878 --> 00:49:20,979 Oh... Holy shit! Heh. 893 00:49:20,981 --> 00:49:24,115 I got my first blowie when this song was playing. 894 00:49:24,117 --> 00:49:25,552 Oh? 895 00:49:28,255 --> 00:49:31,059 Um. She was... 896 00:49:32,293 --> 00:49:34,158 She was... 897 00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,164 A girl? 898 00:49:37,231 --> 00:49:38,396 Yeah. 899 00:49:38,398 --> 00:49:40,767 Did she have big old tits? 900 00:49:43,470 --> 00:49:46,070 We just got the couch. You can have ice in there. 901 00:49:46,072 --> 00:49:48,474 You can have beer in there. You can sit back, relax. 902 00:49:48,476 --> 00:49:53,144 Functional, stylish, comfy. What more could you ask for? 903 00:49:54,447 --> 00:49:56,414 You know, it's not like on your TV show but... 904 00:49:56,416 --> 00:49:58,582 Oh, no... 905 00:49:58,584 --> 00:50:03,756 - But... I mean... - Well... 906 00:50:03,758 --> 00:50:05,390 Everyone's different, aren't they? 907 00:50:05,392 --> 00:50:07,492 The world would be a pretty dull place if we were all the same. 908 00:50:07,494 --> 00:50:08,926 - Hear, hear. - Right? 909 00:50:09,863 --> 00:50:10,762 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. 910 00:50:10,764 --> 00:50:12,030 Would you... 911 00:50:12,032 --> 00:50:14,134 Would you rather have white wine? 912 00:50:16,938 --> 00:50:18,303 Uh... 913 00:50:18,305 --> 00:50:19,570 - Yeah. - Yeah. 914 00:50:19,572 --> 00:50:21,238 Yeah? Okay. Sorry about that. 915 00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:23,774 You know what, they seem like a nice family. 916 00:50:23,776 --> 00:50:25,077 They seem happy. 917 00:50:25,079 --> 00:50:28,747 Yeah, well, I'd rather be all fucked up 918 00:50:28,749 --> 00:50:30,481 and live in a nice house. 919 00:50:30,483 --> 00:50:33,086 Well, then, dreams really do come true. 920 00:50:33,954 --> 00:50:36,387 And of that song has invaded my mind. 921 00:50:36,389 --> 00:50:38,224 Oh, that fucking song. 922 00:50:43,831 --> 00:50:45,829 - All right, bye. - See you tomorrow, Bill. 923 00:50:45,831 --> 00:50:47,865 Bye. 924 00:50:47,867 --> 00:50:52,204 Well, they seem like nice boys. What are their names? 925 00:50:52,206 --> 00:50:55,274 One is named Lantem... 926 00:50:55,276 --> 00:50:56,675 Lathem... Lathem! 927 00:50:56,677 --> 00:51:00,048 And the other is named... I don't know. 928 00:51:01,247 --> 00:51:04,015 Okay. Well, I had to park on the other block. 929 00:51:04,017 --> 00:51:07,186 It was so crowded. 930 00:51:07,188 --> 00:51:10,291 Idiot! 931 00:51:11,959 --> 00:51:14,160 Not... Not you, him. Are you all right? 932 00:51:14,162 --> 00:51:15,361 Yeah. 933 00:51:15,363 --> 00:51:18,396 Oh! Why don't you hold my hand for now? 934 00:51:18,398 --> 00:51:19,631 No. 935 00:51:19,633 --> 00:51:21,033 Bill, take my hand. 936 00:51:21,035 --> 00:51:22,901 - I don't want to. - You were almost killed. 937 00:51:22,903 --> 00:51:24,903 - I don't care! - I do! I'm the adult! 938 00:51:24,905 --> 00:51:26,604 You're the child! And you're gonna do as I say! 939 00:51:26,606 --> 00:51:28,041 Fuck you! 940 00:51:35,849 --> 00:51:38,218 What's the matter? 941 00:51:40,053 --> 00:51:42,754 I c-can't... I can't breathe. I can't breathe. 942 00:51:44,358 --> 00:51:45,892 I can't breathe. 943 00:51:55,369 --> 00:51:57,005 I need an ambulance. 944 00:52:05,678 --> 00:52:07,778 - Are you having chest pain now? - Yeah. 945 00:52:07,780 --> 00:52:10,381 Are you going to be okay? 946 00:52:10,383 --> 00:52:12,885 I don't know. 947 00:52:14,521 --> 00:52:17,455 Your blood pressure is a little high, 948 00:52:17,457 --> 00:52:20,193 but I don't see anything else. 949 00:52:22,128 --> 00:52:24,398 Have you ever had a panic attack? 950 00:52:26,532 --> 00:52:27,599 Hmm? 951 00:52:27,601 --> 00:52:28,800 Do you have any history 952 00:52:28,802 --> 00:52:31,672 of anxiety or panic attacks? 953 00:52:32,907 --> 00:52:34,740 I do. I, uh... 954 00:52:34,742 --> 00:52:38,676 I... I think I'm having a heart attack, 955 00:52:38,678 --> 00:52:40,945 and it, uh... 956 00:52:40,947 --> 00:52:42,914 it turns out to be anxiety. 957 00:52:42,916 --> 00:52:46,453 So you've called an ambulance before? 958 00:52:47,521 --> 00:52:48,620 Yeah. 959 00:52:48,622 --> 00:52:50,191 How many times? 960 00:52:53,994 --> 00:52:57,229 Nine times maybe? About nine times. 961 00:53:00,568 --> 00:53:01,800 Yeah. 962 00:53:01,802 --> 00:53:04,570 But you saved his life. 963 00:53:04,572 --> 00:53:07,138 You get a coupon for redemption 964 00:53:07,140 --> 00:53:09,506 when you arrive at the gates of heaven. 965 00:53:09,508 --> 00:53:11,843 Mmm. It was so disturbing, 966 00:53:11,845 --> 00:53:14,546 watching the kid almost get killed, 967 00:53:14,548 --> 00:53:19,053 and then the screaming match, and then I had one of my things. 968 00:53:20,220 --> 00:53:21,653 What things? 969 00:53:21,655 --> 00:53:22,887 My panic things. 970 00:53:22,889 --> 00:53:25,459 You didn't call an ambulance. 971 00:53:27,193 --> 00:53:29,593 Oh, no. 972 00:53:29,595 --> 00:53:31,129 It was humiliating. 973 00:53:31,131 --> 00:53:32,731 We didn't even make it to the hospital. 974 00:53:32,733 --> 00:53:35,200 The EMT just told me to take it easy. 975 00:53:35,202 --> 00:53:37,968 And death is cheated once more. 976 00:53:37,970 --> 00:53:40,638 Away, you shadowy specter. 977 00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:42,441 Where are my pills? 978 00:53:42,443 --> 00:53:44,977 Hey, hey, just, you know, have a tequila 979 00:53:44,979 --> 00:53:47,412 and think pleasant thoughts. 980 00:53:47,414 --> 00:53:48,946 Oh, God, I can't. 981 00:53:48,948 --> 00:53:51,048 Every night my dreams end in the Apocalypse, 982 00:53:51,050 --> 00:53:53,852 alien invasions, and mega tsunamis. 983 00:53:53,854 --> 00:53:55,586 Your dreams are so big-budget. 984 00:53:55,588 --> 00:53:58,524 I just dream I'm naked and people are laughing at me. 985 00:53:58,526 --> 00:54:00,959 Oh. I dream that, too. 986 00:54:00,961 --> 00:54:04,729 You know, eventually, you just have to 987 00:54:04,731 --> 00:54:08,401 make a decision to be happy. 988 00:54:11,505 --> 00:54:13,805 Never do that voice again. 989 00:54:21,814 --> 00:54:24,883 Rise and shine. 990 00:54:24,885 --> 00:54:26,651 Come on, kiddo. Time to get up. 991 00:54:28,222 --> 00:54:31,088 School. Did you finish your book report? 992 00:54:31,090 --> 00:54:32,959 Yes. 993 00:54:54,548 --> 00:54:56,948 You want to tell me what my anxiety medication 994 00:54:56,950 --> 00:54:59,153 is doing in your backpack? 995 00:55:03,289 --> 00:55:05,624 Have you taken any of these? 996 00:55:05,626 --> 00:55:07,459 No. 997 00:55:07,461 --> 00:55:08,926 Well, where are they? 998 00:55:08,928 --> 00:55:10,762 The entire bottle is missing. 999 00:55:10,764 --> 00:55:12,064 I don't have them. 1000 00:55:12,066 --> 00:55:14,334 What have you done with them? 1001 00:55:16,535 --> 00:55:19,974 Out with it, young man. This is serious. 1002 00:55:23,543 --> 00:55:27,412 I sold them to this kid in the middle school. 1003 00:55:27,414 --> 00:55:30,448 - Thank God for that. - Thank God? 1004 00:55:30,450 --> 00:55:32,416 Well, at least he hasn't taken them himself. 1005 00:55:32,418 --> 00:55:36,086 Wh-? Where would you get an idea to do something like that? 1006 00:55:37,525 --> 00:55:39,057 What? 1007 00:55:39,059 --> 00:55:41,425 His father. Your father. 1008 00:55:41,427 --> 00:55:44,363 Oh, well, yeah. I mean, that's... Okay. 1009 00:55:44,365 --> 00:55:47,635 Why did you feel the need to do this? 1010 00:55:49,302 --> 00:55:52,169 - I needed money. - For what? 1011 00:55:52,171 --> 00:55:56,010 Don't we buy you everything you could ask for? 1012 00:55:56,809 --> 00:55:59,313 I need money in case... 1013 00:56:00,847 --> 00:56:03,183 In case what? 1014 00:56:04,251 --> 00:56:06,483 In case I'm not here. 1015 00:56:06,485 --> 00:56:09,787 In case that Melissa lady takes me or something. 1016 00:56:18,599 --> 00:56:19,865 Listen to me. 1017 00:56:19,867 --> 00:56:23,568 You're not going anywhere, okay? 1018 00:56:23,570 --> 00:56:25,137 I won't let it happen. 1019 00:56:25,139 --> 00:56:27,039 We won't let it happen. 1020 00:56:27,041 --> 00:56:29,207 Look at me. 1021 00:56:29,209 --> 00:56:33,247 We promise. Do you understand? 1022 00:56:34,981 --> 00:56:38,184 And if you promise not to deal drugs... 1023 00:56:40,086 --> 00:56:41,787 we'll give you $100 a week. 1024 00:56:41,789 --> 00:56:45,691 Wait, no. 50. 1025 00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:47,526 Okay. 1026 00:56:47,528 --> 00:56:49,597 I'll do it for 100. 1027 00:56:51,497 --> 00:56:52,930 - Okay. All right, yeah. - Oh. 1028 00:56:52,932 --> 00:56:55,066 - Okay, Great. Great! - Yay! 1029 00:56:55,068 --> 00:56:58,003 All right! High fives all around. 1030 00:56:59,972 --> 00:57:01,939 - Good job. - Crisis averted. 1031 00:57:01,941 --> 00:57:04,575 Bring it. We did it. 1032 00:57:04,577 --> 00:57:07,113 Yay! 1033 00:57:49,021 --> 00:57:50,623 Good dinner. Good. 1034 00:58:28,461 --> 00:58:31,264 Come on, Bill. 1035 00:58:32,499 --> 00:58:35,136 No, you're not gonna make me do it. 1036 00:58:46,579 --> 00:58:50,115 "In conclusion, my parents have taught me about recycling 1037 00:58:50,117 --> 00:58:52,584 "because they love me, and they love the Earth. 1038 00:58:52,586 --> 00:58:54,019 The end." 1039 00:58:54,021 --> 00:58:56,122 All right. 1040 00:58:57,490 --> 00:59:02,496 Thank you, Symphony. And next is Bill. 1041 00:59:09,470 --> 00:59:11,836 "I live with Paul and Erasmus." 1042 00:59:11,838 --> 00:59:14,738 Bill, remember, look your audience in the eye. 1043 00:59:14,740 --> 00:59:18,111 Okay? And let's try it a little louder. 1044 00:59:20,914 --> 00:59:24,215 "I live with Paul and Erasmus. They are not my dads. 1045 00:59:24,217 --> 00:59:26,720 "But they do all the stuff dads do. 1046 00:59:28,088 --> 00:59:29,454 "They are gay. 1047 00:59:29,456 --> 00:59:31,590 "In the olden days, it was illegal to be gay. 1048 00:59:31,592 --> 00:59:33,591 "There are some words you should never use 1049 00:59:33,593 --> 00:59:37,164 "when you are talking to someone who is gay. 1050 00:59:38,164 --> 00:59:40,231 "Never say 'faggot.' 1051 00:59:42,269 --> 00:59:45,537 - "Never say 'cocksucker.' - Bill! 1052 00:59:46,939 --> 00:59:49,372 "And never, ever, ever say..." 1053 00:59:49,374 --> 00:59:51,142 Bill, please stop! No! 1054 00:59:51,144 --> 00:59:53,010 "Buttfucking." 1055 00:59:57,916 --> 01:00:00,419 "In the olden days, it was illegal to be gay." 1056 01:00:00,421 --> 01:00:01,686 Indeed it was. 1057 01:00:01,688 --> 01:00:03,354 "Some words you should never say 1058 01:00:03,356 --> 01:00:04,856 "when you are talking to someone who is gay. 1059 01:00:04,858 --> 01:00:07,591 "Never say 'faggot.' Never say 'cocksucker.'" 1060 01:00:09,296 --> 01:00:11,229 Unfortunately, the school district 1061 01:00:11,231 --> 01:00:13,698 doesn't find quite the same sense of humor 1062 01:00:13,700 --> 01:00:15,300 in this situation. 1063 01:00:15,302 --> 01:00:18,570 He... He said this aloud in, in class? 1064 01:00:18,572 --> 01:00:23,073 Up to and including that word. 1065 01:00:25,744 --> 01:00:28,879 Did he say "buttfucking"? Did he say "buttfucking"? 1066 01:00:30,918 --> 01:00:34,220 - Never, ever say "buttfucking." - Gentlemen! 1067 01:00:37,890 --> 01:00:40,258 Where do you think he's learning these terms? 1068 01:00:40,260 --> 01:00:44,229 Um... It's... it's... We don't make a habit 1069 01:00:44,231 --> 01:00:46,798 of using words like that, I have to say. 1070 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:51,535 Um, unless it... unless it's in context. 1071 01:00:51,537 --> 01:00:53,204 I see where he gets it. 1072 01:00:53,206 --> 01:00:54,606 I hate to say this, but I do think it's a case 1073 01:00:54,608 --> 01:00:56,108 of pot calling the kettle black? 1074 01:00:56,110 --> 01:00:58,209 I did notice the word "felching" 1075 01:00:58,211 --> 01:00:59,943 on your classroom wall, 1076 01:00:59,945 --> 01:01:03,316 which I thought was highly inappropriate in a classroom. 1077 01:01:04,084 --> 01:01:05,550 That is "felting." 1078 01:01:05,552 --> 01:01:08,720 Oh, yeah, that makes more sense. 1079 01:01:08,722 --> 01:01:10,888 Felching isn't until middle school. 1080 01:01:10,890 --> 01:01:14,559 I am so not into that. Can't speak for him. 1081 01:01:14,561 --> 01:01:16,762 Guilty as charged. 1082 01:01:16,764 --> 01:01:21,932 - This is serious. - Hello? Oh, yes. 1083 01:01:21,934 --> 01:01:24,604 We were wondering when we were going to hear from you. 1084 01:01:25,604 --> 01:01:27,939 How's it going, Angel? How you doing? 1085 01:01:27,941 --> 01:01:29,541 Tell them how you're doing, Bill. 1086 01:01:29,543 --> 01:01:33,044 - Good. - He likes to be called Bill. 1087 01:01:33,046 --> 01:01:36,615 Bill? Is that right? 1088 01:01:36,617 --> 01:01:39,283 Well, you know, angels were one of your mom's favorite things. 1089 01:01:39,285 --> 01:01:41,352 So that's why we named you Angel. 1090 01:01:41,354 --> 01:01:44,254 That's still his name legally, of course. 1091 01:01:44,256 --> 01:01:46,624 But he's been doing great at school. 1092 01:01:46,626 --> 01:01:50,294 Uh, a whole spate of friends, and... 1093 01:01:50,296 --> 01:01:51,896 Would you like to tell your father 1094 01:01:51,898 --> 01:01:53,865 about your new friends, young man? 1095 01:01:53,867 --> 01:01:55,903 No. 1096 01:01:57,503 --> 01:02:00,104 Well, it sounds like you're doing really good. 1097 01:02:00,106 --> 01:02:02,374 And, you know, I've been doing really good in here. 1098 01:02:02,376 --> 01:02:05,542 I've been going to church. I feel a lot better now. 1099 01:02:05,544 --> 01:02:07,111 I'm so clearheaded. 1100 01:02:07,113 --> 01:02:10,215 The big news is the minister's really gone all out 1101 01:02:10,217 --> 01:02:11,682 for me to get an early release. 1102 01:02:11,684 --> 01:02:14,051 So I'm gonna be out of here before New Year's. 1103 01:02:14,053 --> 01:02:15,787 - Bravo. - And the church has also 1104 01:02:15,789 --> 01:02:18,088 set me up with a sponsor in Arizona. 1105 01:02:18,090 --> 01:02:19,390 So when I do get out of here, 1106 01:02:19,392 --> 01:02:20,892 me and Angel are gonna go to Arizona, 1107 01:02:20,894 --> 01:02:23,397 and we're gonna start working for a minister there. 1108 01:02:24,631 --> 01:02:27,731 - Arizona? - Yeah, that's right. 1109 01:02:27,733 --> 01:02:30,468 I think we need consider how the boy 1110 01:02:30,470 --> 01:02:33,171 has settled in at school here in Santa Fe. 1111 01:02:33,173 --> 01:02:34,805 He has a lot of friends. 1112 01:02:34,807 --> 01:02:36,774 There's a school at the church. He'll make new friends. 1113 01:02:36,776 --> 01:02:38,343 Well, I think, I think we need to consider 1114 01:02:38,345 --> 01:02:41,345 - all this very carefully. - He's my boy. 1115 01:02:41,347 --> 01:02:44,015 I thank you both for taking care of him. 1116 01:02:44,017 --> 01:02:50,323 But there is a plan in place. And it's a good plan. 1117 01:02:51,090 --> 01:02:53,191 What if I want to stay? 1118 01:02:53,193 --> 01:02:55,593 All is well, and all will be well. 1119 01:02:55,595 --> 01:02:58,829 - But do I have to go? - Okay, look. 1120 01:02:58,831 --> 01:03:00,530 If I tell you something, will you promise 1121 01:03:00,532 --> 01:03:02,934 to remember it for as long as you can? 1122 01:03:02,936 --> 01:03:04,838 Yeah. 1123 01:03:06,106 --> 01:03:09,543 Everything is temporary. 1124 01:03:18,084 --> 01:03:19,783 Except herpes. 1125 01:03:19,785 --> 01:03:22,555 - What's herpes? - Paul... 1126 01:03:26,026 --> 01:03:27,825 I'm not trying to arrange permanent custody. 1127 01:03:27,827 --> 01:03:30,028 I'm just trying to see if I can somehow delay 1128 01:03:30,030 --> 01:03:31,829 the child going to him. 1129 01:03:31,831 --> 01:03:34,432 He finally has some stability. It must count for something. 1130 01:03:34,434 --> 01:03:36,600 Well, there just isn't a court in the country 1131 01:03:36,602 --> 01:03:38,836 that is gonna separate a child from his parent. 1132 01:03:38,838 --> 01:03:40,604 There just isn't, unless the child 1133 01:03:40,606 --> 01:03:43,006 is in some kind of quantifiable danger. 1134 01:03:43,008 --> 01:03:45,709 I'm sorry, Erasmus, you really don't have any leverage. 1135 01:03:45,711 --> 01:03:47,912 Well, thank you for what has effectively been 1136 01:03:47,914 --> 01:03:50,182 a $400 phone call for you to say no. 1137 01:03:50,184 --> 01:03:51,950 - Piss off. - Era... 1138 01:03:51,952 --> 01:03:53,718 Assholes, the lot of them! 1139 01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,519 We should probably watch our language here. 1140 01:03:56,521 --> 01:03:58,523 - Why? - Because it's a fucking church. 1141 01:03:58,525 --> 01:04:01,358 I'm just trying to get the boy away from his idiotic father. 1142 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:05,095 Well, you might not get that. You might not get what you want. 1143 01:04:05,097 --> 01:04:06,900 Well, why not, Paul? 1144 01:04:07,700 --> 01:04:09,334 Because God hates you. 1145 01:04:11,171 --> 01:04:14,472 Look, we have him through the holidays. 1146 01:04:14,474 --> 01:04:16,410 All right? 1147 01:04:17,878 --> 01:04:20,611 Come on. Let's put on a show. 1148 01:04:20,613 --> 01:04:23,082 - I was going to say that. - I know. 1149 01:04:29,088 --> 01:04:32,222 In Mexico and many Latin American countries, 1150 01:04:32,224 --> 01:04:36,093 Christmas Eve is celebrated even more than the day itself. 1151 01:04:36,095 --> 01:04:40,164 In my home, I like to prepare a flavorful Mexican supper 1152 01:04:40,166 --> 01:04:43,233 of fresh-made green-corn tamales, 1153 01:04:43,235 --> 01:04:44,635 whole roast pig 1154 01:04:44,637 --> 01:04:47,771 and for dessert. 1155 01:04:47,773 --> 01:04:50,675 Afterwards, we'll attend a traditional pageant 1156 01:04:50,677 --> 01:04:52,244 known as La Posadas, 1157 01:04:52,246 --> 01:04:54,111 which retells the story of Mary and Joseph 1158 01:04:54,113 --> 01:04:56,613 looking for shelter in Bethlehem. 1159 01:04:56,615 --> 01:05:02,422 Then we cross the Atlantic for a proper English dinner. 1160 01:05:03,657 --> 01:05:05,856 No, further out. Further out. 1161 01:05:09,095 --> 01:05:11,629 I'll say, you look handsome. 1162 01:05:13,999 --> 01:05:16,367 You're allowed to take one present. 1163 01:05:16,369 --> 01:05:18,102 Well, how about three? 1164 01:05:18,104 --> 01:05:21,108 - Oh, okay. - Okay. 1165 01:05:40,860 --> 01:05:43,628 - Yeah? - O.M.G. 1166 01:05:43,630 --> 01:05:46,129 Do we have more? 1167 01:05:46,131 --> 01:05:47,465 Wow. 1168 01:06:06,887 --> 01:06:09,823 Okay, and cue the harem. 1169 01:06:12,592 --> 01:06:15,496 And heavenly glow. 1170 01:06:53,099 --> 01:06:57,300 This really is the land of enchantment. 1171 01:06:57,302 --> 01:06:59,238 Oh, so nice. 1172 01:07:04,577 --> 01:07:05,843 They let you out. 1173 01:07:05,845 --> 01:07:08,445 Yeah, Merry Christmas. 1174 01:07:08,447 --> 01:07:11,317 - Merry Christmas. - Hey, bud. 1175 01:07:12,485 --> 01:07:15,756 Come on, you want to come over here and give me a hug? 1176 01:07:17,222 --> 01:07:19,793 Attaboy. 1177 01:07:20,727 --> 01:07:24,762 How you doing? You okay? Oh, God. 1178 01:07:24,764 --> 01:07:26,798 - This is absurd! - It's just the way it is! 1179 01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:28,399 This was never supposed to be permanent. 1180 01:07:28,401 --> 01:07:30,401 Why are you doing this?! You trying to infuriate me?! 1181 01:07:30,403 --> 01:07:33,004 You trying to cause as much anguish as you possibly can? 1182 01:07:33,006 --> 01:07:35,872 Oh, stop it, the world doesn't spin around you. 1183 01:07:35,874 --> 01:07:37,675 No, it spins around the boy, and you're trying 1184 01:07:37,677 --> 01:07:40,611 to yank him away from the one decent Christmas he's ever had 1185 01:07:40,613 --> 01:07:42,445 in the middle of the fucking night! 1186 01:07:42,447 --> 01:07:44,948 That's what this is all about isn't it, some big spectacle! 1187 01:07:44,950 --> 01:07:47,218 Do you know that presents and all the decorations 1188 01:07:47,220 --> 01:07:48,919 in the world, that doesn't make Christmas. 1189 01:07:48,921 --> 01:07:50,421 For a little boy, it does. 1190 01:07:50,423 --> 01:07:53,457 No, family makes Christmas. And I'm his father. 1191 01:07:53,459 --> 01:07:56,626 You seem to have forgotten that I'm your father. 1192 01:07:56,628 --> 01:07:59,530 Oh. 1193 01:07:59,532 --> 01:08:01,265 Do you want to go there? 1194 01:08:01,267 --> 01:08:03,667 No. 1195 01:08:03,669 --> 01:08:08,675 Please, at least stay the night. 1196 01:08:14,247 --> 01:08:16,481 Why is the music so loud?! 1197 01:08:17,683 --> 01:08:19,217 What?! 1198 01:08:19,219 --> 01:08:21,084 You were shouting. 1199 01:08:21,086 --> 01:08:22,419 Oh, yes. 1200 01:08:22,421 --> 01:08:25,288 Yes! Yes! 1201 01:08:25,290 --> 01:08:30,227 Well, this Christmas looks epic. Santa has come early. 1202 01:08:30,229 --> 01:08:32,829 I'll believe in Santa if this is what it gets me. 1203 01:08:32,831 --> 01:08:34,330 Smokin' board. 1204 01:08:34,332 --> 01:08:36,700 Why don't we have a proper breakfast tomorrow? 1205 01:08:36,702 --> 01:08:40,104 Um, we should start a brioche. 1206 01:08:40,106 --> 01:08:41,806 And then perhaps something sweet, 1207 01:08:41,808 --> 01:08:43,140 a nutty sticky bun. 1208 01:08:43,142 --> 01:08:45,075 That means, "Paul, go make brioche 1209 01:08:45,077 --> 01:08:47,013 and a sticky, nutty bun." 1210 01:08:47,813 --> 01:08:49,247 Don't I know it? 1211 01:08:49,249 --> 01:08:51,215 Who would like a drink? 1212 01:08:51,217 --> 01:08:53,184 Bo? 1213 01:08:53,186 --> 01:08:54,918 I'm sober. 1214 01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,387 Ah, yes. So am I. 1215 01:08:57,389 --> 01:09:01,093 Unlike you, however, I'm going to do something about it. 1216 01:09:02,128 --> 01:09:04,798 - I'll have a... - I know. 1217 01:09:16,442 --> 01:09:19,780 What? What? What is it? 1218 01:09:23,316 --> 01:09:25,152 They're gone. 1219 01:09:26,818 --> 01:09:28,754 They're gone. 1220 01:09:35,762 --> 01:09:38,995 I didn't even get to say goodbye. 1221 01:09:38,997 --> 01:09:42,302 I know. Me either. 1222 01:09:59,719 --> 01:10:01,718 We drove 200 miles to get here. 1223 01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:03,354 You said you would meet us. 1224 01:10:03,356 --> 01:10:04,989 All right, we've been here for hours. 1225 01:10:04,991 --> 01:10:07,257 We look like a couple of child predators. 1226 01:10:07,259 --> 01:10:10,627 The only thing we're missing is a white van. 1227 01:10:10,629 --> 01:10:14,765 I apologize for my friend. 1228 01:10:14,767 --> 01:10:17,501 We're quite normal. 1229 01:10:17,503 --> 01:10:19,872 Do you want some candy? 1230 01:10:24,076 --> 01:10:25,577 Are you all right? 1231 01:10:25,579 --> 01:10:29,814 Well, you sound like you may have relapsed. 1232 01:10:31,416 --> 01:10:34,952 Don't get me wrong. I used to love cocaine. 1233 01:10:34,954 --> 01:10:37,424 Let's talk about what we have in common. Heh. 1234 01:10:39,858 --> 01:10:41,225 All right, let's not. 1235 01:10:41,227 --> 01:10:43,694 I'm just saying that if you need help, 1236 01:10:43,696 --> 01:10:45,395 I know a very good rehab facility 1237 01:10:45,397 --> 01:10:47,030 in Tucson, Arizona. 1238 01:10:47,032 --> 01:10:49,801 Um, it has a high failure rate, but the food's terrific, 1239 01:10:49,803 --> 01:10:52,604 and the group sessions are hilarious. 1240 01:10:52,606 --> 01:10:53,939 Hello? 1241 01:10:56,308 --> 01:10:58,244 Hello... 1242 01:11:17,929 --> 01:11:20,099 Shall I move the orchid? 1243 01:11:20,967 --> 01:11:22,469 It's fine. 1244 01:11:34,947 --> 01:11:37,448 Wherever we go, it's so depressing. 1245 01:11:37,450 --> 01:11:40,083 He feels like he has to pass it on to other people. 1246 01:11:40,085 --> 01:11:41,718 It's like having a broom up his ass. 1247 01:11:41,720 --> 01:11:45,556 What's going on...? 1248 01:11:45,558 --> 01:11:47,394 Hello. 1249 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,493 What's going on in here? 1250 01:11:50,495 --> 01:11:53,663 I was in the kitchen, and I suddenly got very upset. 1251 01:11:53,665 --> 01:11:54,931 - Didn't I? - Yeah. 1252 01:11:54,933 --> 01:11:57,603 And Tino was comforting me. 1253 01:11:59,571 --> 01:12:01,171 Why is the door closed? 1254 01:12:01,173 --> 01:12:04,577 It's not like that, Paul. 1255 01:12:06,713 --> 01:12:07,944 Why is the door closed? 1256 01:12:07,946 --> 01:12:10,516 Nothing happened, Paul. 1257 01:12:29,934 --> 01:12:32,872 I'm bereft about the child being gone. 1258 01:12:33,939 --> 01:12:35,575 So am I. 1259 01:12:36,776 --> 01:12:40,077 You didn't even want him here. 1260 01:12:40,079 --> 01:12:42,249 How can you say that? 1261 01:12:43,448 --> 01:12:45,182 Shame on you. 1262 01:12:45,184 --> 01:12:47,851 You know, you dismiss me left and right. 1263 01:12:47,853 --> 01:12:50,520 But I did all the work. I was the parent. 1264 01:12:50,522 --> 01:12:52,222 You clowned around. 1265 01:12:52,224 --> 01:12:53,524 Well, all right then. 1266 01:12:53,526 --> 01:12:54,992 You know what, it doesn't matter. 1267 01:12:54,994 --> 01:12:56,025 We're not talking about the kid. 1268 01:12:56,027 --> 01:12:57,727 This is about that. 1269 01:12:57,729 --> 01:13:00,029 Has it been going on since you hired him? 1270 01:13:00,031 --> 01:13:01,998 I didn't touch Tino. Nothing happened. 1271 01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:03,234 He was just a shoulder to cry on. 1272 01:13:03,236 --> 01:13:05,438 I'm your shoulder to cry on. 1273 01:13:07,673 --> 01:13:09,073 Anyway, you know what? It doesn't matter 1274 01:13:09,075 --> 01:13:10,440 what happened in there. 1275 01:13:10,442 --> 01:13:11,874 It happened before. Which you admit. 1276 01:13:11,876 --> 01:13:13,543 With that gardener. You admit. 1277 01:13:13,545 --> 01:13:15,078 Yes, I admit. 1278 01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:17,047 Well, it's going to happen again. 1279 01:13:17,049 --> 01:13:20,184 It won't happen again. 1280 01:13:20,186 --> 01:13:23,553 Look, I think you and I both know 1281 01:13:23,555 --> 01:13:25,655 things have been pretty fucked up between us 1282 01:13:25,657 --> 01:13:27,190 for a long time. 1283 01:13:27,192 --> 01:13:30,060 When the kid showed up, I pretended everything was... 1284 01:13:30,062 --> 01:13:31,928 fine. 1285 01:13:31,930 --> 01:13:35,166 But I can't pretend anymore. I can't. 1286 01:13:35,168 --> 01:13:37,400 - Paul... - Listen to me. 1287 01:13:37,402 --> 01:13:40,236 You know that if you were dying, 1288 01:13:40,238 --> 01:13:44,609 I would cut the heart out of my chest for you. 1289 01:13:44,611 --> 01:13:47,412 I would die so that you would live. 1290 01:13:47,414 --> 01:13:51,981 That's how much I love you. That's how much I worship you. 1291 01:13:51,983 --> 01:13:55,118 And I think that you actually know. 1292 01:13:55,120 --> 01:13:57,289 You know that. 1293 01:13:58,624 --> 01:14:01,225 - And it doesn't matter to you. - It does matter to me. 1294 01:14:01,227 --> 01:14:05,598 It doesn't matter. And I can't stand it anymore. 1295 01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:30,754 You know, I, uh... I didn't tell you, 1296 01:14:30,756 --> 01:14:34,460 but I got a call the other day from Rachel Ray. 1297 01:14:36,461 --> 01:14:38,762 Oh. 1298 01:14:38,764 --> 01:14:42,733 What's she like? I hear she's really nice. 1299 01:14:42,735 --> 01:14:44,200 No, not from her. 1300 01:14:44,202 --> 01:14:47,337 From my friends who produce her show. 1301 01:14:47,339 --> 01:14:52,411 They, uh... They offered me a job in New York. 1302 01:14:56,749 --> 01:14:58,082 I'm going to take it. 1303 01:15:13,465 --> 01:15:16,066 Well, I'm almost done up here. 1304 01:15:16,068 --> 01:15:18,401 I just need to get my books from your office. 1305 01:15:18,403 --> 01:15:21,340 Yeah, I boxed them all up last night. 1306 01:15:22,307 --> 01:15:24,044 Thanks for your help. 1307 01:15:26,912 --> 01:15:29,182 Did you get a spray tan? 1308 01:15:30,081 --> 01:15:31,683 No. 1309 01:15:32,550 --> 01:15:37,253 Jemima, had me at "ski in, ski out." 1310 01:15:37,255 --> 01:15:40,923 I'll be there Friday. No, I can't come Thursday. 1311 01:15:40,925 --> 01:15:42,993 I've got to see my lawyer. 1312 01:15:42,995 --> 01:15:46,163 Oh, just stupid stuff. 1313 01:15:46,165 --> 01:15:49,266 Yeah. You can have all these bags. 1314 01:15:49,268 --> 01:15:51,068 I don't really need them. 1315 01:15:51,070 --> 01:15:54,937 Good. Because they're mine. 1316 01:15:54,939 --> 01:15:56,543 Oh. 1317 01:16:03,982 --> 01:16:08,385 I... I think this might be the best thing for both of us. 1318 01:16:08,387 --> 01:16:11,321 Well, we had a good run. 1319 01:16:11,323 --> 01:16:14,391 Oh, and remember to keep an eye on the tile guy tomorrow. 1320 01:16:14,393 --> 01:16:16,493 I think he's overbilling us. 1321 01:16:17,496 --> 01:16:19,029 I don't give a fuck what you think 1322 01:16:19,031 --> 01:16:21,234 about the fucking tile guy, you fucking cunt! 1323 01:16:22,401 --> 01:16:27,340 Oh. And you were doing so well. 1324 01:17:04,242 --> 01:17:07,979 Please don't leave me. I can't live without you. 1325 01:17:07,981 --> 01:17:09,646 Don't go. 1326 01:17:09,648 --> 01:17:12,984 Don't go, please, please, please, please. 1327 01:17:12,986 --> 01:17:15,421 I love you. 1328 01:17:17,790 --> 01:17:21,361 I sure hope he's not talking to me. 1329 01:17:34,439 --> 01:17:36,038 Keep driving. 1330 01:18:40,607 --> 01:18:42,575 Fuck! 1331 01:21:36,814 --> 01:21:41,086 And this motion will be accepted by the court at this time. 1332 01:21:50,963 --> 01:21:53,096 The child shall remain in the custody 1333 01:21:53,098 --> 01:21:57,702 of Erasmus Brumble and Paul Morgan. 1334 01:21:59,504 --> 01:22:03,239 Oh, well, I must say, 1335 01:22:03,241 --> 01:22:08,444 all that courtroom melodrama makes a man very hungry. 1336 01:22:08,446 --> 01:22:12,181 - How are you doing? - I'm hungry, too. 1337 01:22:12,183 --> 01:22:14,454 So what shall we eat? 1338 01:22:23,062 --> 01:22:25,595 Let's not do a whole thing tonight. I'm exhausted. 1339 01:22:25,597 --> 01:22:27,364 Why don't we just pick up some sushi? 1340 01:22:27,366 --> 01:22:28,898 You know, supermarket sushi 1341 01:22:28,900 --> 01:22:31,168 is like God shitting on mankind. 1342 01:22:31,170 --> 01:22:32,635 It is everything that is wrong with this country. 1343 01:22:32,637 --> 01:22:34,136 I didn't say supermarket sushi. 1344 01:22:34,138 --> 01:22:36,004 I've never had supermarket sushi in my life. 1345 01:22:36,006 --> 01:22:38,240 Unless it was late at night and I was blackout drunk 1346 01:22:38,242 --> 01:22:40,510 and I don't remember, and that probably happened. 1347 01:22:40,512 --> 01:22:42,579 I could make some sushi. I did train 1348 01:22:42,581 --> 01:22:45,716 with one of the world's leading sushi chefs. 1349 01:22:45,718 --> 01:22:47,551 That was at a demo at Williams-Sonoma 1350 01:22:47,553 --> 01:22:49,352 in Albuquerque. I was with you. 1351 01:22:49,354 --> 01:22:54,490 You know, your version of events is so pedestrian. 1352 01:22:54,492 --> 01:22:56,193 Also known as reality. 1353 01:22:56,195 --> 01:22:58,061 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1354 01:22:58,063 --> 01:23:00,663 Well, why don't we just do a pasta at home? 1355 01:23:00,665 --> 01:23:02,132 I'm trying to avoid wheat and dairy, Paul. 1356 01:23:02,134 --> 01:23:03,699 Oh, really, is that since you had 1357 01:23:03,701 --> 01:23:06,168 the grilled cheese sandwich for lunch? 1358 01:23:06,170 --> 01:23:07,937 It's a constant struggle. 1359 01:23:07,939 --> 01:23:11,673 Yes, it most certainly is. 1360 01:23:11,675 --> 01:23:13,511 Guys. 1361 01:23:13,513 --> 01:23:15,278 Why don't you ask me what I want for dinner? 1362 01:23:15,280 --> 01:23:17,413 Well, we just assumed it was Taco Bell. 1363 01:23:17,415 --> 01:23:19,682 No, I still love it, 1364 01:23:19,684 --> 01:23:22,785 but I'd like something else tonight. 1365 01:23:22,787 --> 01:23:25,154 - Really? - What would you like? 1366 01:23:25,156 --> 01:23:27,824 I'd like to have pork tenderloin 1367 01:23:27,826 --> 01:23:32,095 with caramelized apples and ginger. 1368 01:23:32,097 --> 01:23:33,062 What the hell? 1369 01:23:33,064 --> 01:23:35,535 What the fuck? 1370 01:23:36,469 --> 01:23:37,801 All right. 1371 01:23:37,803 --> 01:23:39,735 Let's get this kid a pork tenderloin. 1372 01:23:39,737 --> 01:23:44,641 Maybe some polenta. With goat cheese. 1373 01:23:44,643 --> 01:23:48,912 Oh, my God. We've created a monster. 1374 01:23:48,914 --> 01:23:50,913 I created a monster. 1375 01:23:50,915 --> 01:23:53,449 No, you are a monster. 1376 01:23:53,451 --> 01:23:56,886 And now I have to contend with two of you. Good God. 1377 01:23:58,924 --> 01:24:01,490 Oh, Jesus. 1378 01:24:01,492 --> 01:24:05,261 There's a fucking rainbow.